An old Native American proverb states, “When you were born you cried, and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” Nearly every funeral I have ever attended has had several things in common. There was family and friends, a somber atmosphere, sad music, eulogies remembering the deceased, and people wearing black. Now, while I do not have an issue with the idea that a funeral should be a serious time spent remembering the deceased, I do take issue with the somber part. Now let me clarify, I am not discounting the fact that losing a loved one is a sad experience. In fact, the saddest days of my life have been the days that loved ones have passed. What I am saying is that the dead should not be sent off in an episode of tears, sadness, and unpleasantness. I am certain that the dead would rather their family and friends be happy, as they were before the loss. I am sure that if they were given the choice, the dead would have their family continue on as though they were still complete. And not in some superficial, pretending to be okay, holding in one’s feelings sort of way. But in a wholesome, healthy, accepting way.
It is my belief that when we are close enough to a person, we have more fond memories of them than we do negative. And I think that we should always celebrate the positive experiences we share with each other. This is why, in my opinion, the part of the funeral that does the most justice to the deceased is the eulogies. This is a perfect way to send someone off. People from all parts of the person’s life come together and share the great times they spent with the person. Tears are shed, laughs are shared, and love is shown. This is how I’d like my funeral to be.
While I do hope that I am missed after my death, I do not want anyone to suffer because of the same. I would much rather have my family and friends gather and share fond memories and have a good time. I would prefer that my funeral is a celebration of my life, not the mourning of my death. Another issue I have with funerals is the fact that everyone wears black. This, to me, makes the atmosphere empty, it drains the room of the positive energy that is so desperately needed, especially at a time like that. Now, this may just be the artist in me, but I would much rather my sending off to be full of color, emotion, and beauty, rather than silence, dullness, and general unpleasantness.
About two years ago I attended a funeral that was unlike any other. The woman who had died was laid on her bed in her home. As guests came in, they took a flower and placed it on her. By the end of the ceremony, she was covered in beautiful flowers and she looked truly at peace. The people attending sat around her and shared wonderful stories about her life. Her children, both biological and adopted, told stories of their mother’s loving aura. How, if you lived in her house, you were required to play an instrument. How she made mixtapes for her kids when she heard songs they liked playing on the radio. And at the end of the ceremony, her children sent her off by playing the song she had requested for her funeral “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin.
It was at this funeral that I decided I would much rather there be a celebratory ceremony than a gathering for mourning. And I think one of the biggest steps to take toward fostering this environment is to encourage a brighter looking atmosphere. So I hereby declare that no one is to wear black to my funeral. Pick a color that you enjoy, pick a color that I enjoyed, pick an assortment of colors that makes you happy. And make my sending off an explosion of emotion, joy, and rejoicing.
