“I hooked up with someone,” he said. He leaned back in my desk chair like he always did, his feet stabling his descent, and his hands fiddling with paper clips on my desk.
Did someone hurt him or take advantage of him?
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he assured me.
“So, what’s the problem?”
In that moment, I was irritated because I was exhausted and had to get up early the next morning. To Matt, that moment consisted of him gathering up the right words to tell me something he was still digesting. He let out a deep breath, breaking the silence.
“It wasn’t with a girl,” he said.
I did not have a response, and it was not because I was mad or surprised; it was because I was trying to imagine the courage that it took Matt to tell me. Society has taught him—and many others—that who they are is not perceived as normal; that, in order to ensure they are loved, they must staple a warning label to themselves—that they must come out and see who is still standing when the smoke clears.
LGBTQ individuals have learned that they must give a disclaimer before bringing their boyfriend/girlfriend to family gatherings because someone might feel uncomfortable. “Rightfully so!” some would say. “That kind of relationship is unnatural.”
I challenge that notion and say that the only “unnatural” thing is knowing that they are judged on their appearances, not on the roots and sincerity of their relationship.
I don’t want someone to feel pressured to come out to me. You don’t need to.
Do not ever feel like you owe me an explanation about why you love who you love.
Do not ever feel like your sexuality is so taboo that you have to rack your brain and think of a way to muster the words out of your mouth.
Do not ever feel like you have to tiptoe around your preferred pronouns.
Do not ever feel like who you are is determined by the genitals you are attracted to or the genitals you have but do not wish to possess, or vice versa.
This is not to undermine the power and pride that can accompany coming out. For some, announcing their orientation is a celebration. To that, I say, “Party on!” You’ve earned it.
For others, the idea of making themselves a spectacle is unchartered territory. To those, I say: do not ever feel like you owe anybody an explanation for being who you are.
