The saying goes, "when one door closes, another door opens." At least, I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. Being extremely pessimistic, I never truly gave this much thought, however recently, I’ve been forced to reflect on it.
Many times in my life, I haven’t been good enough. I haven’t been tall enough, strong enough, smart enough, etc., you get the drift. But why does that matter? Why did I spend so much time caring about what other people thought of me, or how I was viewed by those around me? Why didn't I spend that time thinking about myself, my wants and aspirations?
I'm 20-years-old now, and for the last 20 years, I haven't been living my life. I’ve been living the expectations of those around me. I’ve been living the opinions of people who barely know me and performing only as well as other people determined I was capable of performing. Well, today I’m saying screw that.
I'm tired of living my life trying to make other people happy. I'm tired of giving my passion, my dreams and my heart to people who don't reciprocate or appreciate it. I’m tired of wasting time, mine and others because I feel that I need to be what others want me to be. So I'm making a change.
From now on, I’m going to be selfish. That doesn't mean I won't help others out when they need it, or be there for my friends, family or even a complete stranger. What it means, is that from now on, I come first.
My health, my dreams, my passions and my heart. From now on, I will consider my emotions and my goals, the most important thing. I will no longer live my life to please others. I will no longer solely receive happiness by trying to make others laugh, trying to make others smile, and trying to be something I am not.
It is the time that I take full control of my life. It is the time that I focus on myself. It is the time I do my own thing. If other people want to be a part of that journey, that's amazing, welcome aboard. However, this journey isn’t for them, it's for me. This journey is for me to make up all I have lost, and to build up the confidence that I have never had.
This journey is about measurable success, measurable by my standards alone. This will lead me to happiness, this will lead me to greatness, and this will make my life a life worth living. So yeah, I’m going to be selfish. I’m not going to care about what I can’t control, and if someone wants to walk out of my life, I’ll let them. I don’t have the time or energy to make everyone happy, so I’m doing this for me.
I don't care what you call me, because one day, you’ll look at me and ask me, “How? How did you become so happy?” and the answer will be because, “I learned to love myself.”
