I have decided to use my high-powered journalistic position as contributing writer at the Odyssey Online to address a problem that has plagued me for years. I am sick and tired of people judging me simply by how hot I am.
Why, you ask? Well, men and women alike don’t respect my valuable intellect. Yes, believe it or not, it is possible for a woman to be both pretty AND intelligent! Newsflash! You’re looking at a prime example right here. Not only do I write for the Odyssey, but I also can add and subtract without using my fingers and operate a vehicle as long as there is a licensed instructor in the passenger seat.
It is impossible for me to go to bars without being swarmed by men and, honestly, its exhausting. I get more free drinks than my petite frame can handle. However, I make my mother proud by throwing the $8 martini they just bought me back in their face when they ask me for my phone number. Does this mean I lack common human decency? Maybe. But thanking guys for buying me things basically goes against like, all the rules of feminism.
Don’t even get me started on how other women treat me. My so-called friends are so filled with jealousy that they can’t function. I just need them to understand that my attractiveness is neither my fault nor theirs. They need to become okay enough with themselves that they don’t get upset when…
- They try things on in the fitting room, and I say, “If that’s too small on you, can I have it?” I can’t help that I’m thinner than you.
- Their boyfriends like me better than them.
- Their parents like me better than them.
- I get sloppy drunk at parties. All those free drinks take a toll.
- I post pictures where they look fat and ugly. Lets be real, that’s just how all pictures of us are going to look.
I have to say though, the most difficult part of being so beautiful is the discrimination. I would say I get treated more unfairly than most minorities. At work, jealous women constantly make me feel as though I am lesser than them, even though it is obvious to anyone with eyes that it is the other way around. Whenever I do anything “wrong” by their backwards standards, I know its due to my beauty and not my general incompetence. For example, the other day, I handed in a paper just 8 days late and my (female) professor berated me. I know it was because I am beautiful and she sees me as a threat. She knows I could steal her 60-year-old husband. And I will.
Long story short, don’t judge me by my beauty. Judge me by my lack of intellect, cold-heartedness, and selfish nature. It’s what’s on the inside that counts!
