I never used to notice it – the convincing that others tried to do for me. The first time I really remember it was at work. I don’t know how or why it had come up, but I said I couldn’t fit into normal sizes. My coworker asked me why not.
“Well, I’m fat. I need bigger sizes.”
My friend stared at me wide-eyed. “Marissa,” she said, her brows knitting together in a look of concern, “ stop it! You’re not even big!” I wondered if she was looking at the same body I was.
Ever since that moment I have been mentally cataloging the instances in which people tell me I’m not big and why it bothers me so much. Here are the reasons why it’s okay to call me fat:
1. Because saying “no you’re not” doesn’t make it go away.
Most of the time when people tell me I’m not big it isn’t for my comfort. I tell them that I’m okay with saying I’m fat, but they cannot let it go. That is because the desperate pleas that I am “normal size” (whatever that means) are more for their sake than mine. Being fat isn’t something I am wholly uncomfortable with. In fact, it is something I have worked hard on accepting. However when I hear someone say, “no, you’re not fat. Stop,” it seems to me as though they are trying to wash away the fact that my body exists in the form that I have. Saying something isn’t there doesn’t make it so. Let’s address it, and move on.
2. Because even though you’re convinced I can fit into standard sizes, it doesn’t mean I can cheat physics.
Lets cut the B.S. I know my body. I know my size. I know what I can and cannot fit into. The shock I see in your face when you argue that I shouldn’t be shopping in the plus-size section in kind of ridiculous given that XL shirt is two sizes smaller than me.
3. Because what does “You’re not fat. You don’t look plus size,” even mean?
I mean, thank you – I understand where you’re going. You’re trying t tell me that I look good. But I can look good and be fat.
4. Because “You’re not fat, you’re beautiful” is NOT a compliment.
The statement, “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful” is probably the statement I hear the most when I tell someone I am fat, big, or plus size. And, in truth, I know it comes from a good place, but when I hear it I want to scream. Because what this is saying that one cannot be the other. You cannot be fat and be beautiful. You must be one, but you cannot be both. The idea that bigger is ugly is the norm when it comes to beauty standards and it is something I have worked very hard to unlearn. When I hear this all I want to say is, “ I know I’m beautiful, I know I’m big. Why can’t I be both?”
5. Because I LITERALLY am.
I'm happy that my size doesn't matter to you, but we both have eyes. I am a noticeably large girl and your words can sometimes feel like pity. Thank you for making me feel better about my body, but there are times when each assurance that I am not as big as I say I am feels like a blow to the gut.
I’ve been fat on and off for my entire life. After 22 years of fluctuating weight and adolescent teasing I have decided to reclaim the word “fat”. Because, lets be honest, there are too many words that we use to mean the same thing. Big-boned, curvy, plus size, chunky, thick… the list goes on and on. Each term acting as just another word that separates a person from their body type. If someone is healthy then what is so wrong with being big- with being fat? What is so wrong with saying that I am? Why do we need to make our bodies dirty? Why do we need to make the word taboo? Fat doesn't have to be a dirty word- especially when it isn't used maliciously and with cause to harm someone. Fat is something everyone has on their body, whether it be a little or a lot. Why make it wrong? I guess what I'm trying to say here is: I'm okay with calling myself fat - you should be okay with it too.
