Everyone remembers the moment that many of their friendships changed forever: High School graduation. You and the friends who have been with you since elementary school crossed the stage and slowly began to realize that nothing would ever be the same. You all promised to keep in touch and come visit each other at college.
It all sounds good in theory, but deep down, you know it probably won’t happen. Summer goes by and you all try to spend time with each other before you go off on your own in a community where you have little to no connections to your childhood, where there is no one you've known since first grade, no one who's sat by you in math class. A clean state, without your friends.
At this point, some of you are probably thinking "I’m still in touch with my friends I had in high school." Sure. But out of those “friends,” how many of those relationships haven’t changed? If you still have the same friends from your childhood while in college, I commend you. That is hard. At this stage of our lives, entering our twenties, we are changing and maturing, and during this maturation process, we tend to out grown things. One of the things we sometimes outgrow is the company we keep.
It sounds negative, but it’s not a bad thing. When baby grows out of their onesie, their mom doesn't say “Oh no, this is a disaster,” because it is not. It’s a part of growing up; certain things that you once liked don’t fit into your new life. Think of how you became friends with certain individuals. It may have seemed random, but at that time, you all valued the same things and lived in the same area.
My motto in life when it comes to choosing friends is to choose people that will positively influence your success and help you move forward. Friendship shouldn’t feel forced or like an obligation. You don’t want your friendship with someone to feel like a burden. You want to be able to depend on them as much as they depend on you, and have an equal 50/50 relationship. “Birds of a feather flock together,” so if you hang out with people that you feel hinder your success and progress as a young adult, then they are not the ones for you. Maybe at a time all you wanted to do was party and have fun, but as you come closer to actually entering the real world, you come to realize that isn’t what life is all about. People often tell me that I cut people off too fast or I throw away friendships too easily, but that is not what I am doing.
Sometimes, you just outgrow people and realize that yes, you did have great memories, but it is time to let them go. This sounds really harsh, but this is the problem with some people who have friends they have had since childhood. They continue to be friends, even though their paths have changed, because of this sense of nostalgia. They don’t want to let go of their childhood friends. Just because you're no longer associated with someone doesn’t mean you can’t remember the good and fun times you’ve had with them. You can still cherish those times, but recognize that you two are no longer in the same position as you once were in. I’m not saying that I am better than the friends that I let go, I am just saying I was moving in a different direction then my old friends were and at a different speed.
I have decided to let my dreams lead me to where I want to go and not let my reality alter my dreams. Cutting off friends is a risk, but just like in the world of gambling, high risks sometimes yield high results, ultimately leading to happiness.
At the end of the day, what you need to remember is that who you’re with influences who you will be. Would it make sense to be surrounded by people that never tell you the truth and sugar coat things, or someone who will call you out on your bullshit and help you work around your issues so that you can be successful in life?
The choice is yours.
