Letting go seems to have this stigma of giving up. If you let go of your dreams, you’ve given up. If you let go of a certain someone, you’ve given up on them. If you let go, you’ve given up. I believed this and, honestly, I still believe that to an extent.
It’s especially hard to let go of someone you’ve become very close to. I didn’t want to let go. I loved learning about you and everything about you. It took a long time but the walls you put up came down just for me and you told me things you never told anybody.
We started out walking around in circles. I tried so hard for you to let me care and I didn’t want to do anything else. I only wanted to be there for you. It was different and a little insulting that you didn’t want me around in the beginning. It was strange. I had always thought people wanted someone to care but you were content. I considered letting go in the beginning. It would’ve been easier but it would’ve meant that I gave up on you; I was too stubborn to see that I should have.
Eventually, we talked so much, it was daily. It was weird to go a day without seeing your name pop up on my phone. I would always ask how you were because that’s all I wanted to know. I loved picking your brain and learning about you. Your words lingered in my mind and wanted more. Although as time passed, I began to realize you needed help that I couldn’t provide. You struggled with things I could only imagine about and I couldn’t help you. Both you and I knew that.
The idea of letting go crept up on me and I tried so hard to ignore it. My heart said “Don’t let go. Don’t give up.” I couldn’t give up on you. I saw you struggling and all I could ask was “Well, did anything good happen today?” when I knew the answer was “No.” I wanted and still want to be the answer to all your problems. I wish I could “save” you like I want to but I know your problems are beyond my help.
It’s hard to let go but it doesn’t necessarily mean you gave up. Letting go is knowing when to walk away. Letting go was more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I wish I could wave a magical wand and make all your problems disappear, but I can’t. I never will be able to do that for you but I will promise you one thing. I’ll always be there for you and you will always have a special place in my heart.
