I know this is an odd topic to have strong feelings about, but I do. It's a situation I witness all the time and I want more people to know about it.

I guess I should start by explaining what it is, for those of you who don't know. Personally, I use the phrase 'on the hook,' but I'm not sure if that is what everyone calls it, so here it is. Keeping someone on the hook means that you are leading someone on, making them think that you want to date them. You flirt with them, hang out with them and by most opinions it would seem that you want to date them, but have no intention of doing so; your side of the story is that you are just friends with them, but they don't see it that way. The two of you have dated before and now you are just friends again, but one person often wants to get back together, while the other keeps this person around in case other relationships don't work out.

Now I know I can get into trouble with this if I take a certain stance on it. I want to write a disclaimer: I am in no way saying that flirting with someone automatically means that you want to date them, because it doesn't. To me, this starts to address issues of rape culture and that is not what I am here to write about in this article. The situation I am talking about is different. I want to make it clear that most of the time in this situation the two people have dated before or were in a relationship before, making it harder to cut ties with them. There are often still emotional attachments there and keeping someone on the hook becomes a kind of safety net after you break up with someone. It can be hard to move on and date someone else if you still have feelings for your ex. Often if the other person hasn't moved on either, it will be harder for them to do so if they still think they have a chance to date again.

I want to add that I am no stranger to this phenomenon. As much as I hate to admit it, I have been the person on both sides of the situation before and that is why I feel so strongly about it. I have seen the damage it can cause. Being the person keeping someone on the hook meant that I hurt them so much, just for my own selfish gain. I wanted to date someone else but keep my ex close in case the new relationship didn't work out and I could go running back to my ex. This is one of the most terrible things I've done because I saw the damage I had done to him and it was hard to watch him deal with the consequences of my actions.

I have also been the person on the hook. Yes, I kept myself there because I thought we could work it out, but he also kept me there until a new girl came along and then I was nothing to him. When this happened it felt like my entire world had exploded and I had to pick up the pieces and start again. I finally realized that this is what I had done to him and it took years to let it go and forgive myself. I'm still haunted by it and will never do this to someone again.

I'm not here to preach about this or judge anyone who has done it, but I wanted to talk about it because it needs to be addressed. I have watched so many friends go through this and I wanted to write about it so that more people will be aware of keeping someone on the hook and will hopefully quit doing it.