Living with my grandmother has shown me that as our hairs grey and our bones weaken, we turn to the past for comfort. Once the late night summer swims aren’t as doable and the early morning jogs around town seem far-fetched, we retreat to those moments where we had a head full of dreams and our lives ahead of us.
While I’ve only lived with my grandmother for two years, I’m amazed at how much her unexpected move-in has impacted me—whether intended or not. The stories she tells offer a perspective that no history book can provide and award-winning writer can fabricate.
Despite the undeniable benefits of living with an elderly grandparent, this experience is often viewed as a burden. To be completely honest, I viewed it as such just two years ago.
When I heard my grandmother would be moving into our already jam-packed country home, I wondered how this adjustment would be possible for my family. My mom was busy running our family business while my father spent more than half his days serving as the principal of a nearby high school. To me, living with a grandparent meant a whole lot more responsibility for me—a teenager's biggest nightmare.
From assisting my grandmother in seemingly endless walks down the side steps of our home to re-explaining how to use the T.V. remote, living with the elderly seemed to offer nothing more than a headache—as selfish as it sounds.
As my family built an addition onto the home, moved my grandmother into the house and geared up for the new family dynamic, I was off at college coping with my own change of living situations.
While I might not have been around much anymore, visiting home on breaks didn’t seem all that different—despite the addition of one more plate at the dinner table.
Although we didn't talk that often, my grandmother and I would occasionally find ourselves talking about “the good ol’ days”—usually surrounding my grandmother's 1930’s upbringing in the Bronx.
I found it thrilling to hear about times when my, then, fourteen-year-old grandmother was able to take a subway ride to her Manhattan job at Arnold Constables & Company. This seemed so unimaginable, as it’s safe to say that no right-minded parent would allow this nowadays. Further, it baffled me that all the money she made went towards supporting her financially unstable family.
While textbooks told me of these obvious societal differences between generations, hearing personal stories of these contrasts showed me how different people’s lives really were.
Outside of her early entrance into the workforce, my grandmother told me of the struggles she faced living the majority of her adult life a widower. Likewise, she shared stories of her beloved husband's unexpected death and the impact it had on both my mother and our entire family.
I couldn’t imagine what this felt like for her or how she could have moved past such a thing. Regardless, I admired her courage.
Above all else, my grandmother prided herself in sharing her convictions to the Roman Catholic faith and her hopes that her grandchildren would carry on that same faith tradition.
She was proud to speak up about the God she loved and prayed we would feel the same way.
I reveled in stories of her youthful adventures which, to my surprise, weren’t all that different from mine. From sneaking out of the house for a smoke to having spontaneous road trips with friends, these talks showed me that childhood curiosity isn’t restricted by the time one grows up in.
While I’ve always enjoyed hearing these stories, I admired my grandmother's advice even more so.
At times, I would find that my friends and, sometimes, parents couldn't understand the issues I faced and the doubts I had. Despite the age gap between us, it amazed me that my grandmother always knew exactly how to set my head straight. My teenage friendship drama and self-image issues, always had a verbal remedy for every deterrent I faced.
While these talks were enjoyable, it took months of distance to realize the real importance of these moments we shared.
Now, a sophomore in college, I’ve begun to realize that living with my grandmother is far from a burden; it is a blessing.
First off, I have access to knowledge that no book can provide. My grandmother's first-hand experiences not only provide me with entertaining stories, but also historic knowledge of a time before mine. Her stories give me a sense of appreciation for what I have and for those who paved the comfortable life I live.
Living with my grandmother also provides me with the best spiritual reassurance a person can have. After living almost 90 years, she is able to undoubtedly say that she has complete faith in God. She's experienced periods of doubt and, through the experiences she's had, is able to fully say she believes in a higher power. As a teenager living in a time where religion is by no means popular, it's nice to have someone to always assure me that my faith is important.
Besides having a faith role model, my grandmother has given me free access to the best comedy show in town. While I initially viewed her recurring technology questions as trivial, I’ve come to view them as nothing short of natural. In reality, my grandmother grew up in an age before cell phones, laptops and iTunes—and, quite honestly, life sounded a whole lot better without them. Taking the time to help my grandmother learn about these devices not only serves as good conversation, but good humor too. It’s so easy for us to forget about how different life was, as we settle into our technology driven lives, but the truth is that these concepts are so far from normal for today's elderly. We joke about our differences in understanding and I'm thankful to be able to share the norms of my generation with her.
Outside of comedic relief, living with her has provided me with a true respect for the human experience. As hard as it is to watch her shake with every step she takes, it’s humbling to see that we all inevitably enter into our elderly years—unable to change the natural course of life. Seeing my grandmother experience old age firsthand has shown me that a youth well lived, leads to an elderly life full of peace.
My grandmother has no fear of death and no apprehensions with each doctor’s visit, because she knows she lived the most kick-ass life she could have.
Seeing my grandmother reminisce in stories of the past, and be completely content with her current situation, proves that life really is about living in the now. Despite the trials and tribulations, her positivity gives me hope that pushing through is worth it. Sure, life seemed hard for her at points, but her ability to look back on her life, totally pleased with her unshaken devotion, is a beautiful thing.
Living with my grandmother has given me the understanding that, no matter how many hips we break or hearing aid replacements we need, none of it will matter—so long as we lived the best lives we can. I'm happy to say I've been lucky enough to live with someone who has shown me that, and can only hope that I can aid her in living out the happiest, and most well-deserved, elderly years possible.
