Disclaimer: Everything in this story may or may not be fake. Please treat it as an act of fiction so I will not be sued. Also, any person or event in this article, even ones based off of real people, is purely fictional. I will not use names.
I wrote an article a few months back about my family’s experience with adoption. It was not a very simple or easy process to adopt, but I was so excited to begin writing and spreading our story that I didn't think it through when I shared basically their whole life. On top of that, I was extremely anxious for the new chapter in our own lives that would start with our most recent adoption. Never in the time I was writing did I think about how the story would affect my brother and sister.
I only thought about getting their story out there for the world to hear so that others could appreciate their own lives as much as we do theirs. Even moreso, I wanted people to learn to cherish the little things. For me, it was that part that really stuck with me.
Adopting my new sister was amazing, but do you know what I love most about her? To me, I am infatuated with her sense of wonder. It's such a minuscule thing that many may simply brush it aside, but I am enamored with it. I find her fascination with our world fascinating in itself. She appreciates the small things, like eating eggs for breakfast instead of dinner, or even watching her kids’ shows on TV. It might not seem like a big deal, but it has made me realize how lucky I am. I have a roof over my head, I get 3 meals a day, and my parents love me. What more could I ask for? My life is good, and I'm trying to make my siblings’ lives the same way. But unfortunately, writing that article could have directly conflicted with my intentions.
My mom says it's “too raw”. She tells me to imagine a couple years from now if one of them could read and they were searching their name on the internet and they found the article. She doesn't think they could handle it. Selfishly, I don’t want her to be right. But in my heart I know that she is.
My younger siblings have gone through more in their developing years than most go through in a lifetime. The majority of what they've been through has occurred at an age that is too young for them to remember as well. Because of this, hitting them with all of that information from an online article in the near future could be devastating to their self esteem or emotional stability. When the time is right, they will learn their full story. I know that sounds cliche, and maybe it is, but it is the right thing to do. They will know when the time is right, and so will we, but I shouldn't get to choose to expose it to them at such a young age in which they can barely comprehend anything that is going on.
Yes, their parents may not have treated them right. Yes, their parents may not have known any better. But it is our job now as a family to ensure that they are safe and sound in their new environment. If we can't do that, then we are failing them. I think we can offer them exactly what they need. Unfortunately, changing or deleting my article about adoption is most likely a big step toward that.
I recently had someone contact me about my adopted sister after reading that last article. It turns out that there is some history between them, but not some that we need to be unearthed just yet. My adopted siblings are emotionally different than most other kids their age, not because of their disability, but because of their upbringing. It is my responsibility now as their big brother to help them along and move them forward to make sure they don't get bogged down by the past. Uncovering the past too soon could hinder their development, or just confuse them to the point where they have trouble ever finding their true identity. That can't happen.
Like I said, we will all know when the time is right, but that time is not now. What this time calls for is maturity and understanding on my part, and I think that's the least I can offer to the siblings that have given so much more than that to me. It's time to be the bigger person, and I'm proud to say that the two new siblings we have welcomed into our family are pushing me to become that bigger person. Hopefully someday I can inspire even a fraction of the people that they do every single day, and possibly then I'll be satisfied. Until that time comes, I learn from them. The lessons they teach me go beyond what can be taught in school; in a way, I consider them my own personal tutor. I'd like to think that just maybe they're doing a pretty good job.
