School never came easily to me. Math is a nightmare and I really need to try hard to stay focused. Paying attention sometimes feels like a task all in itself.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in 7th grade. I hid it for a long time because I thought it was embarrassing that I needed medication to pay attention, I needed medication to sit still. But I'm not ashamed of it anymore; my ADHD has made me a stronger person.
ADHD stands for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.
I never let this disorder disable me, though. When I was first diagnosed it took me a while to understand exactly what was wrong with me and it took me even longer to adjust. I did feel an immediate change once I started taking my medication; I was happier, I had an easier time in school, and I calmed down a lot.
I'll still struggle with certain things, though. I have a hard time with some simple tasks. I can't remember directions and rely on a GPS for everything, there's always at least 20 other things going on in my mind.
I’m a very observant person, I notice other people’s actions and I am always paying attention to the things around me. This can be useful in some areas of my life, but other times it makes a simple situation incredibly overwhelming.
Working memory is usually impaired when a person has ADHD. I will enter a room and forget why I entered. I'll take my medication in the morning, brush my teeth, and then forget if I ever took my medication. I can memorize lines for the show that I'm doing, I can list every "American Idol" winner in order, but I can never seem to remember if I took my pill, or if I set my alarm, or if I locked the front door at night. Forgetting these simple things can make life so frustrating.
There are times I have to try so hard to focus on something and other times where I become obsessed with something else. A person with ADHD can have a hard time letting go of something that they are extremely focused on.
A person with ADHD can also struggle with time management. There is so much for a college student to do and such little time to do it. Time management is a skill that I have worked extremely hard on and I believe that I am getting better at it.
Sitting in the library can either be very effective or very distracting and it truly depends on the day. There will be some days that I can't focus because I need to see everyone that is walking by me to make sure that I don't miss anyone I might know, but then other days I can focus 100 percent on my homework no matter how many people walk by me.
I also fear change. I try to shy away from new, challenging tasks and stick to the simple stuff that I know. The idea of a challenge is much more daunting for an individual living with ADHD, for we constantly live in fear of failing or forgetting a step. We want to continue living in the predictable environment that we are used to because the idea of adapting our symptoms to a new place, task, or job is terrifying.
Living with ADHD has been very challenging for, me but it has also helped me grow. I have forced myself to adapt and to not let this disorder get the best of me. I have taken this disorder as a challenge and I have tried my best to work around it and rise above it. I may forget everyone’s birthday, I might need to set a reminder for literally everything on my phone, and I might doodle on my notebook way too much during lectures, but I'm proud of my ADHD brain and I wouldn't want to live any other way.