I am a straight-up b*tch.

There I said it, that way you don’t have to.

I curse a lot. I get angry and I don’t gloss over the uncomfortable parts of life. I’m not afraid of a little confrontation and argument.

I don’t pretend to like people and I’m not going to waste my time acting as if everything is okay when it’s not.

I wasn’t always so confident and outspoken, though. I spent a number of years hiding my emotions and pretending that everything was fine so that others wouldn’t be offended. I made myself small so that others around me would feel better. I was awkward and shy and I took people’s crap on a daily basis just to make life easier.

In fact, if you asked people who knew me five years ago, they probably would have told you that I was quiet and nerdy and that I needed a serious makeover. I took it in stride when an ex-boyfriend broke up with me over my weight, and I never stood up to rumors spread about me. My friends would have described me as clingy and annoying. My mom would have described me as amazing.

Okay to be fair, my mom has always been my number one fan, so she’s an outlier here. But my point is that I wasn’t the person I am today. I let people walk all over me and I held my tongue to avoid conflict. Back then, hearing my high school sweetheart call me fat would have devastated me and sent me into a downward spiral of self-hatred and doubt.

Everything changed when I started my senior year of college. I was a Music Education major who was about to enter into the Master’s program when suddenly, my school cut the budget. Poof. The education program, and my dreams were gone. The bitter taste of injustice hung in my mouth like a poison.

At the time, I was working as an RA, president of the LGBT Pride club and captain of the color guard team and suddenly I realized that people were looking up to me to be a leader. I had the ability to influence the lives of others and in order to do that, I couldn’t be a doormat anymore. I wasn’t going to take this situation lying down.

So I did what any sensible person would do. I called every news station in Connecticut and explained the story. Two hours later, I was on live TV calling our University President a liar and working with other students to organize a protest. It was like every single emotion I had held back was suddenly rushing forward to combat the corruption of our administration.

And once I had unleashed the beast, it was impossible to turn back.

I grew confident and I found my voice amongst the crowd. I started to speak up for what I didn’t believe was right, and you know what happened next?

I started liking myself better.

We live in a world where women are taught to be quiet, to dress appropriately so that men don’t become distracted, to hide our frustrations and anger so that others do not feel uncomfortable.

And frankly, I’m done with that notion. I’m not going to sit down and be quiet. I’m not going to sacrifice my happiness for the comfort of others.

I will not sit idly by while the world continues to be a dangerous place for anyone who isn’t a straight, white male. I will not hide away my opinions because someone else may be forced to confront their prejudice.

When my boss or a professor asks for input, I give it because I don’t want someone else to talk over me. If that makes me cutthroat then fine, but I least I know I’ve said my piece.

When I see something that I don’t believe is right I draw attention to it. Even if the issue isn’t resolved at least a conversation started.

Because of this change in myself, I have been able to make change in the world. I have been an advocate for HIV testing on college campuses, I helped bring Gender Neutral Housing to my undergrad, I have rallied for equal pay and fought to bring an end to sexual assault on college campuses.

I feel better about myself when I am speaking candidly. I don’t fake being nice to anyone and I am very real about my feelings and my ideas. If these thoughts are filled with expletives, then so be it. I am not here to sugarcoat the words you need to hear.

I don’t need the reassurance of someone else to make myself feel good. I have learned to live without it. I will advocate for myself and my beliefs and if you don’t like it, well then frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.