I am only 20 years old and I am positive that I have experienced about seven quarter-life crises so far. OK, maybe that's a little dramatic, but as someone who takes everything to heart, the smallest unresolved issue in my life can feel like the whole world is ending. I can confidently say that I try my best to be as honest as I can, mostly because I am the worst liar in the world. But it can be extremely difficult when you expect everyone else you know to be just as honest because that just doesn't always happen.
I'm not saying I tell everyone every little thing I'm thinking; there's a time and place for everything. I think it's totally OK to keep certain things to yourself. For example, there's really no reason to tell that girl in class that she asks too many questions and it annoys you. If she isn't intentionally trying to bother anyone, then why call her out? But I'm not great with that. I sometimes don't know when to filter myself. I'll make stupid comments that I regret later or roll my eyes for no reason.
So that's why, lately, I've been thinking that I should just learn to shut up sometimes. To quote John Mayer, "My stupid mouth has got me in trouble; I've said too much again." There have been so many times in my life when I've said the wrong thing or told someone something they didn't want to hear and I want to apologize for that. I can be insensitive and critical and completely oblivious. I'm still learning to ask myself, "Hey, would you like it if someone said that to you?"
But I've decided that I won't compromise on one very specific belief of mine: I won't apologize for being honest about how I feel. Even if it hurts and even if it's the hardest thing I've ever had to say, I'll say it anyway. Mostly because I know how it feels when people are upset with me and pretend like everything is fine. I refuse to say "I'm OK" when I'm not and let people off the hook for hurting me. How can anything be resolved if we act like it's all fine and good? And to my friends, my family, really anyone I know: please let me know if I've ever upset you or said something that's not OK. I want to know. I need to know.
Because I want friendships and connections that are built on honesty. I'm sick of the falsehoods that seem to haunt my relationships with people. I hate the passive aggressiveness, the secrecy and the anger that is hidden just under the surface. I'm not afraid to be brutally honest anymore if I know it will help strengthen the amazing bonds I have made with people over the years. I hope I can keep this promise.
