I'm the type of person that will always put the entire world before me, no matter what. If I'm having a horrible day, but so is someone else, I will brush my feelings under the rug and give them my heart to dump their worries and sorrows into. Now, there is certainly nothing wrong with being a selfless person and being a friend to those who need it. However, there is a line that should be drawn. A line that allows you to live your life and get the help and love that you need without absorbing the rest of the world's issues, negativity and concerns.
My entire life I have never known what this fine line was, and it's still just vaguely recognizable, but it's becoming all the more clear to me as I grow each and every day. I never understood that it was okay for me to solely focus on myself, my needs, and my happiness, until focusing on myself was the only choice that I had. People who give the most, often receive the least, and can very easily be taken advantage of or taken for granted. Recently I have learned that although I do have those people who will give and take with me in a healthy way, there are more people than not who will take what they want and leave you out to dry.
This is why I am finally choosing me. Yes, I need support along the way from those people that I trust with my life, but I have to learn to have the strength to stand up on my own. It's not easy to say, you know what, no, I'm not going to be there for this person today because I'm having a rough day and need to get myself back on track. In fact, sometimes it really, really sucks to think in that mindset; it feels so selfish and cruel. However, in life, your health and your happiness ultimately come first, and there will always be another person who is having a better day than you who can be there for that other someone.
Being the shoulder to cry on all of the time will only bring you down. I'm choosing me so that I can be fully happy in this life. I'm choosing me so that I can be so sure of myself that I won't feel awful if I just can't be there for someone one day. I'm choosing me because I am just as important as the next person and I deserve to feel that way about myself.
It's going to take some time, and it's not going to be easy, but I know that putting myself first for the first time in my life is the biggest step in the right direction I've taken in a long time. At the end of the day, you are the sailor of your own ship. Don't rely on anyone else to direct your sails. Learn to do it all on your own.
