I've never been very good at talking. I can have the most beautiful thoughts in my mind, but as soon as I open my mouth to say them, these thoughts become jumbled and nonsensical. In my head, I rehearse what to say over and over again to not mess up the words I'm trying to get out, but as soon as I go to say these perfectly memorized words, I go blank. It becomes panicked and confused. My voice shakes and cracks.

Sometimes, nothing even comes out. Even more often, I don't try to speak at all to save myself from the anxiety and embarrassment.

Not being good at speaking keeps me up at night with all the thoughts I wanted to say but didn't or tried to express but couldn't. So much of myself remains bottled up inside of me because I just can't get the words out no matter how badly I want to or how desperately I need to.

And this is why I write.

When I write, I feel powerful. I feel like I can do anything. I am free of the anxiety and fear that holds me back.

When I write, those thoughts that I have come out as eloquently as they were in my head. I don't stumble or mumble; I tell stories and create worlds. I allow people to know the parts of me that have remained hidden for so long. The emotions I can't figure out how to express explode onto paper so effortlessly and so precisely.

When I write, I can be weak without feeling ashamed. I can be strong without feeling afraid. I can be unapologetically myself without feeling judged. When I write, I am the best version of myself- the version that I am inching towards becoming in regular conversation and daily life.

I write because while my voice may falter, my pen remains strong. I write because while I may be timid in person, I am bold in my written word. I write because while I am easily spoken over, my written word demands to be listened to.

I write because it is how I get through the day. It is how I sleep at night. It is how I express myself. It is how I make sense of my emotions. It is how I find solutions to my problems. It is what I do when I feel like I'm at rock bottom, and then it is what I do to climb back up. It is what I do when I feel like I'm at the peak of a mountain, and then it is what I do to remember the view.

I write because it is how I breathe and how I exist. I write because at the end of the day, it is all I feel like I really can do.