Why Hook-Up Culture Is Ruining Dating

Why Hook-Up Culture Is Ruining Dating

Our Generation is Doomed, Unless We Change It
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My earliest childhood memories can be remembered hearing countless stories from my parents about how they grew up and how they fell in love. These stories always bring me back to a time where things just seemed so simple, so effortless. Yes, of course hard work and commitment were still major parts of relationships back then, as they are today. But we didn’t have the influences of technology and the lack of respect that we have to deal with nowadays between men and women in the dating world.

What I've noticed, especially as a college student, is how our society has turned from dating into “meaningless hook-ups.” It seems as if everywhere I turn someone is telling me how great it is to not care about someone and just use them to get what they want. Apps such as Tinder and Bumble are also contributing to today’s hook-up society, by making it so accessible for any male or female to find someone who they know nothing about and have no emotional connection to, and meet up for a casual fling. I’m not saying that these things are horrible, but from what I can tell, they’re not doing much good.

The problem with this generation is that we aren’t truly getting to know people. We’re not finding out their biggest fears, or their hopes and dreams for the future, but we’re only getting to know others for their physical aspects. As much fun as it may be, we all know that late at night, deep down, we aren’t thinking about casual hook-ups. We do want someone to share things with, someone to be there for us no matter what. The issue is, we can’t really attain the kind of relationships we’re looking for by doing the things we’re doing, and by allowing the hookup culture to keep growing and thriving as it is now.

I have learned a lot from my parents — not only have they taught me how to tie my shoes and dress myself, but they have also taught me right from wrong. And when I say right from wrong, I’m especially speaking of dating. Many of the dating practices of today’s day do not add up with the ones 30 years ago, and a lot of this has to do with a lack of respect. My parents always love to make boys come to the door when picking me up, and shake their hands. As much as this bothers me and makes me uncomfortable, I’ve realized how important it actually is to go through this silly practice. This shows respect. It shows that they care enough to park the car, walk to your door and face potentially intimidating parents, all for you.

As much as I’d love to praise our generation and its ways, it’s really hard to. We’ve started to create a monster that is spiraling out of control. Almost every person you speak to these days has some sort of commitment issue or fear of catching feelings for others, so they would rather stick to emotionless hook-ups. The only way we can change this, is by respecting ourselves and being upfront about what we’re looking for. Tell it like it is. Do not be afraid that they will run the other way once you utter the word “relationship," because if they do you know that this is not the person you should be investing all of your time and effort into anyway.
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Just Because I Check My Boyfriend's Location Every Hour Doesn't Make Me A 'Psycho Girlfriend'

No, checking his location every hour does not make me psycho.
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My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. He has come up with describing my actions sometimes as “psycho girlfriend.” As much as this bothered me at first I started to realize there is nothing wrong with my “psycho” actions.

I don’t monitor who my boyfriend hangs out with and I don’t care who he texts, I trust him, but I do watch other things he does.

I probably check his location about once an hour, maybe more if he isn’t texting me back.

This isn’t some way for me to find out if he is with another girl, it’s so I can ensure he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. If he was on Snapchat five minutes ago but hasn’t texted me back in 45 minutes, yeah I’ll call him out on it but I'm not actually mad. If he is with friends and not answering me, it’s cool. I just want to be able to make sure I know where he is and that he is alive on a regular basis.

I make him keep his read receipts on for me.

I don’t care if he leaves me on read, I just need to know he is seeing what I’m saying. Half the time, I text him random facts or thoughts I have throughout my day, those don’t always need a response back. However, I do want to know he is acknowledging me through reading my texts.

Yes, from time to time I will spam him and make him respond to my messages so we can make plans or I can know what he is doing with his day but it’s not like I plan out his every move for him or care if he is getting drunk with the boys on a Wednesday, not my issue.

I don’t ask for all of his time or anything. I know he is a busy person. All I ask for him to text me back on a regular basis (once an hour to be exact), for him to allow for me to know where he is at all times and to get one night a week with him.

I don’t plan to show up where he is or anything, I simply just like to know information and get a weekly time with him. I don’t care if I only see him that one night a week, I just want one night with a movie or dinner or snuggles so I can get my boyfriend time.

The rest of the time he is his own person, and I couldn’t really care less about what he does in that time.

Cover Image Credit: Grace Wilkowski

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Sometimes Ghosting Is Actually Necessary, So Don't Let It Haunt You

There will be times in your life where cutting people off is the only option.
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Recently I had read an article basically stating that "ghosting" is a form of emotional abuse.

To a certain extent, I can agree with this statement.

I personally wouldn't call it "abuse," but I know from personal experience how painful and damaging it can be to have someone who once had your soul just start ignoring you out of nowhere.

It can leave the person on the receiving end pondering their actions and thinking, "Where did it all go wrong? Was it something I said?"

However, as someone who has been both the "ghostee" and the "ghoster," I can safely say that sometimes ghosting others is the only way to handle the situation.

For example, I made friends with someone in high school that I should not have been friends with.

This person was the definition of toxic, and it got to the point where I could not take it anymore. For almost two years, I was controlled, gaslighted, manipulated, talked down to, abused, etc.

Once I decided to try (and ultimately fail) to call it quits, the manipulation and gaslighting got worse.

I decided to text them and explain to them why I could no longer have them in my life.

After multiple rumors being spread about me and numerous middle fingers thrown my way as we passed each other in the hallway, they somehow managed to worm themselves back into my life, claiming that they had changed.

They had not changed.

Fast forward to my last year in high school. They had already graduated, but they remained at home with their family, which was two blocks away from my house.

Therefore, ignoring them was still nearly impossible.

After reaching my breaking point for the second time, I decided that my first attempt at closure was not going to work.

I decided that ignoring them completely was the way to go.

For months, the text messages did not stop. They saw that I had read the messages; they wanted to get my attention.

There were plenty of times where I wanted to respond, but I knew that's what they wanted from me. Any kind of response was a positive response to them.

I held my ground as long as I could, but then the messages became manipulative and threatening once more.

For the sake of my own sanity (which I barely had left), I had to block their number.

Once I did that, I felt so free! I could finally breathe again!

I could finally focus on my healthy friendships rather than dwelling on a friendship that was the equivalent of drinking poison.

You are allowed to remove people from your life. You are allowed to cut people off with no explanation.

Ghosting isn't always a bad thing. Yes, it can hurt like Hades when you're the receiver, but think about what's going on with the person on the other end.

Sometimes you just have to end it with people. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Cover Image Credit: Becca Tapert

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