The third wave of feminism has been a media hot topic for quite sometime, but one aspect that many people neglect to talk about is how feminism also affects men. We live in the 21st century, and our society is still bombarded with the presence of gender stereotypes. After reading Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s, “We Should All Be Feminists," I decided to take a closer look into why we all should really be feminists.
We live in a society where people are subconsciously defined and categorized, and we fail to see them outside of their classification. There is no biological gene that says only women can cook in the household and be stay at home parents, just as there is no gene keeping women from being the breadwinners of the household. Unfortunately for the men who want to stay home with their children, gender roles place pressure on our society to maintain their perceived roles.
Our lack of feminism is a large part of our problem. Most men are afraid of the word feminism because they believe that is it a group of angry women who want to take control away from them when, in reality, feminism allows men to be feminine and masculine. Our society classifies men as “tough” and makes them think that they must be financially stable and supportive, and when we enter times of economic downfall and people lose their jobs, we still hold them to that standard. We do a great disservice to men in making them think they only have one job in life: to financially support a family. We also discourage women from wanting to achieve their dreams because we tell them they have to care for a family, and they must let the man of the house be bigger than them. The constant reinforcement of gender roles begins to take a toll on the well-being of our society, and with that I must ask: How does the presence of gender roles in our society contribute to issues deeper than just the stereotyping of genders?
Gender roles should be erased because these stereotypes have negative effects on the mental health of both men and women. Patrick Keelan, a psychologist at the Calgary Counseling Centre, who works with both men and women, summarized his findings in 2006. “Women tend to ruminate and dwell on things, whereas men are more likely to take action to distract themselves. This can actually be an advantage for men in terms of coping with depression. But sometimes, acting to deal with things results in men not talking about their problems and getting the help need.”
Men are more likely to hide their depression because there is an un-manly stigma attached to the condition, which is in correlation to the statistic that “suicide affects almost four times as many men as women.” (Sanghani, 2015). Even though women are twice as likely to suffer from depression, the existence of gender roles creates a more severe environment for men and creates long term psychological problems because they think they will seem weak if they talk about their condition or look for help.
A study supported by the National Institute of Mental Health in 1995 focuses on the psychological effects of various and multiple roles on men and women. Participants were asked if, “’being a good father (and mother) depends, in part, on a man’s (woman’s) ability to provide economic support for his (her) children.” They were also asked if “being a good husband (and wife) depends, in part, on a man’s (woman’s) ability to provide economic support for his (her) spouse.’”
A majority of the men believed that financial support was a key role, whereas, women did not. The evidence of this study shows how gender roles have been prevalent for over 20 years and that men have been raised to believe that they need to be the breadwinner of the family or they are not worthy. As if it wasn’t bad enough that most men believed they had to be financially supportive in order to be a good husband or father. “Eighty percent of men emphasized the negative consequences for a man’s self-image of not making a financial contribution to his family.”
Gender roles place a greater chance for depression in men when they cannot financially support their family and feel ashamed, which leads them to conceal their depression and make the conditions worse. However, the mental side effects of gender roles do not only affect adults; children are also susceptible to the negative effects.
Gender roles should be erased because these stereotypes place expectations on children that can cause negative effects on their mental health. In a study funded by the Graduate School of the University of Wisconsin, Hill and Lynch used the gender intensification hypothesis to examine whether adolescent boys and girls deal with increased pressure to conform to culturally defined gender roles. These pressures can come from various places like parents, peers, their educators and the media. The study was performed to understand the separation of boys and girls in their gender role identities during adolescence and how gender intensification explains a difference in depressive symptoms based on gender.
Many young girls grow up with the sense that they they have a designated role in life, to be a nurturer and, according to Hill and Lynch, parents play a big part in the mentality of this role. “For instance, parents were more likely to encourage independence, achievement, self-confidence, and competitiveness in sons than in daughters and more expressivity, warmth, and courtesy for others in daughters compared with sons.” (Priess, Lindberg, Hyde, 2009).
When parents do not raise their daughters to be independent and confident, they develop a sense of dependability on features and other people instead of themselves, as shown through Lynch’s study, “…across adolescence and relative to boys, girls became more self-conscious, reported low self-esteem, were more concerned with interpersonal relationships and with their physical appearance.” This reinforces the sexualization of women, even at a young age. When children identify with these gender roles at a young age, it begins to carry over into their adult lives when it comes to relationships.
According to Hill and Lynch, “the gender difference in depression and depressive symptoms is one of the most consistent findings in the depression literature, and this difference emerges at about ages 13 to 14,” which explains their following finding, “By early adulthood, women are twice as likely to be depressed as are men.” Gender roles negatively impact both men and women when it comes to mental health. Masculinity is negatively associated with depression because men are stereotyped to be self-sufficient and confident; whereas, women are encouraged to be helpless and emotional causing an even greater chance for the development of depression or depressive symptoms.
Robin Simon also published research in1995 about work and family by studying both men and women and how they feel the combination of both affects them. Simon found that 85 percent of the women he interviewed had felt guilty about having a job and a family because they do not have as much time to spend with their family due to their employment. Women feel that they are being bad parent by holding a job because society will think they aren’t doing what they should be at home and could be with their children during the times they are at work. “According to the wives for whom work and family roles are independent, employment is a threat to their identity as a 'good' mother and/or wife because they do not have enough time and energy for their children and spouse.”
Society tells women they are being neglectful when they join the workforce, but tell men that they are doing what they need to. It is evident that all parents need time to spend with their children and spouses; however, that does not mean society can tell those parents what their role in the family is. We do a disservice to women by trying to keep them at home to take care of the children, cooking and cleaning, when they want to be employed, especially because many women felt that it was helpful for them to work because they could relieve some of the financial burden from their husbands. However, no men felt conflicted when it came to work and family, and many stated to have not felt any emotion attached to it, one father and husband stated, according to SImon, “It’s just natural to me. That’s just my responsibility. I really don’t think about it much.”
Gender roles create a mold that many people form into because they do not know any different, and society’s constant reinforcement of these stereotypes makes its harder for our generation to move past them and redefine what is expected of men and women.
Gender roles have been long standing in American culture, we have been exposed to it since the days of “I Love Lucy” and “Leave it to Beaver.” However, the media has changed the structure of families, shown through “Modern Family,” but society has neglected to take away the expectation of gender roles in reality. We must go back to the question, “Why have gender roles, when we can have pizza rolls” and really consider which is more important. Pizza rolls. So, go and enjoy pizza rolls made by both men and women because anyone can cook, and anyone can be a feminist.
