First off, if you don’t know what a sloth is, you’ve been living under a rock —or you’re just not friends with a girl who fits the hipster stereotype. Either way, sloths are THE slowest of the slow in the whole world. They’re so slow they’re used in campaigns against smoking weed in Australia (LOL). They move so slowly to save their energy because they only eat plants. Further proof of why we should eat meat, am I right? Anyway, I don’t understand anyone’s fascination with this animal. It’s basically an ugly slow animal that squeaks and somehow produces offspring. (How they do that, I’ll NEVER understand.) Everyone is so enamored with these sloths -- I’ve never seen so many weird hairy memes!
Back to the point. I feel like the rise of the sloth was just some hipster girl who felt bad for the under-appreciated animal and she felt like it needed some love. We all know that girl—she loves everyone. The world wouldn’t spin without this girl. After she gave the sloth some love, of course, everyone had to get on that bandwagon (as we so often do). Ever notice how people used to love lions and tigers and somehow the more underrated giraffes and elephants are now huge? It’s like the hipster generation isn’t just for humans, but animals too.
I hate all this hipster nonsense. I won’t adore some animal just because someone says its squeak sounds cute; no! It’s ugly and slow and I don’t want to idealize it and confuse myself into thinking it’s so great -- just like I don’t want to think ANYTHING is so great because someone tells me it is.
The sloth represents the rise to a ‘hipster’ life where everyone wants to do something so off the wall weird and think they’re so different and special. It’s become un-special now. It’s so mainstream to be anti-mainstream —it’s mainstream to be a hipster.
I’m sticking with being me and hating sloths. You do you, I’ll do me. That’s how it should be.
