The Christmas lights once seemed so bright.
The music so melodic and familiar and fun.
The movies hilarious and full of happiness and laughter.
But things are different now.
The Christmas morning my father passed away seemed like just yesterday in my mind, even though it's been four years. That Christmas morning I awoke not with excitement, not with that giddy feeling of running downstairs to a tree full of presents, but a queasiness in the pit of my stomach. My mom had told me the news but I already knew what she was going to say. Almost instantly the lights burned my eyes, the songs made my stomach hurt, and the movies made me cry. I didn't know why it had to have happened on Christmas Day, but what I do know is that 'the most wonderful time of year' wasn't so wonderful anymore. As years passed, I got more and more angry. "Why was everyone else allowed to enjoy this time of year but I couldn't?" I thought to myself frequently.
What about the homeless?
What about the orphans without a family of their own?
What about the widowed mother and the fatherless children?
OK I admit, I don't actually hate Christmas, I just miss what it used to be. It will always be the birthday of Jesus and I will forever celebrate that--I will always glorify Him and His birth. What people need to realize, though is that not everyone is going to be happy all the time, not everyone is going to want to sing Christmas songs and set up the lights. Those with mental illnesses still are mentally ill, it's not like the holidays can automatically cure your depression or eating disorder or take away your anxiety. Yes, the holidays are a great time for some, but not all. People need to set up the space to be gentle with others during this time of year because you never know what someone may be going through. If you have a friend who is dealing with a significant loss or mental illness during the holidays, reach out to them but don't push. When they don't want to partake in Secret Santa or help you hang decorations, talk to them with love and not anger or frustration. The mentally ill and families of lost loved ones don't have to put on a show for you just to make you more comfortable. That's not allowing us to feel and that can be really detrimental to our health and well-being.
Take the time this holiday season to respect the individuals who are struggling. Take the time to understand their pain, their hurt, their loss. Ultimately, you're going to make that person's holiday just a little bit better.
I won't leave you with "Happy Holidays!" because it's not always a happy time of year. Instead, I end with this: Stay safe this Christmas season, stay steady, and hold on because things really do get better.
You will heal, you will be OK and Christmas time will be a good time for you one day.
*Written in honor of Howard Mark Mandel*
