I was awkward in middle school. Like, I know most people say that they were awkward in middle school, but I promise you, I was SO awkward during middle school. I had chin-length hair that wouldn't do what I wanted, a mouth full of braces for several years, and still had some chubbiness from my not-yet-shed baby fat. Fortunately, I grew out of it, but it has taken me a long time to grow out of the discomfort, embarrassment, and dislike that I felt looking back on those years. For years, I felt haunted by the gawky shadow of my past. But now, with a safe amount of distance between me and my prepubescent self, I can confidently say that I am thankful for my awkward stage.

Although it was painful, having those uncomfortable years changed me for the better, even if it took me many years to realize it. It helped me draw my confidence from sources other than my appearance. I began to recognize the value of my humor, intelligence, and kindness. This is a confidence that I can carry with me for the rest of my life, no matter how my appearance changes. Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin has also given me a more empathetic outlook in life. While I may not seem like an outsider anymore, I can still remember the days when I was, and how it felt to not fit in. This has helped me to express more kindness to others and make more of an effort to include others. I've also learned not to judge others on how they look. This might sound kind of crazy, but there are days when I wish that I could go back to being my middle school self. When people treat me the way they do now, I often wonder if they would treat me the same way if I was still awkward-looking-middle-school Ashlyn. Because the truth is, I may look different, but I am still the same person. My limbs are a little too long. I still feel like a misfit sometimes. And I am still very awkward.

Towards the end of eighth grade and the beginning of high school, I began feeling less and less like the ugly and odd girl I had always felt I was. I began to feel more secure and happy to be myself than I had before. I had always attributed this shift in confidence to a shift in my appearance, but I realize now that that was never the case. As I began to accept myself, I portrayed a more confident and carefree attitude. This internal change is what made me happier and more attractive to others, not just growing out of my adolescent awkwardness. I used to hate to even look at pictures of myself from middle school, but I now proudly embrace my awkward middle school days, because they made me who I am today.