The hook-up culture has eliminated the words "casual dating" from our generation's vocabulary. If you are not in a relationship, the idea of meeting someone in a venue other than a bar or a frat party is unrealistic because in our world, the closest thing to being asked on a date is having a match on Tinder suggest "meeting up." This meet up most likely occurs after 10 p.m., and definitely after a few drinks.
This is not some anti-feminist rant about how men need to take us out on dates. I just believe that, as a generation, we should expect more from a potential partner. Here are some reasons why we are struggling to define dating as more than hooking-up.
1. Technology.
Texting, specifically. Studies have proven that people talk and behave differently over text than they would in person. Most of a relationship exists in a cell phone. You get to know someone over text, and then fear what will happen when you see them in person. Or vice versa: you could have a blast with someone in person, and they could be really awkward over text. These two dimensions of dating -- texting vs. in-person -- are making things more difficult. There is a sort of comfort in having time to overthink everything you say before you send a text, but this takes away from the impulsiveness and even the passion in dating.
2. Social Media.
Not that blind dates are all that fun, but before you even meet someone, you could know everything there is to know about them. Pictures online can be deceiving, however, and often cause so much confusion. Say you meet someone and there is chemistry, so you start hanging out, but then the weekend rolls around and he uploads pictures with other girls. What does that mean? Is it too soon to get upset about that? Am I overreacting? Then there is Tinder, which we all know was not designed so you could find your next boyfriend. If someone dates a person they meet on Tinder, it's the exception not the rule. What do you talk about in person if you text all the time and stay updated by checking their Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram?
3. Defining the relationship.
How do you go from meeting someone, to being in a relationship without dating? There's the "talking" phase and the "together" phase. I firmly believe in casual dating, but what I don't understand is how you can text a person all day, every day, and only see them on Friday nights at frat houses. The "together" phase is when you are aware of your mutual interest, but aren't ready for a commitment. That is not totally unreasonable, but what is ridiculous is that you can consider yourself together with someone and never spend any true, intimate, non-sexual time together. These vague labels add to the confusion in the dating world.
4. The desire to care less than the other person.
I am not sure if this has always been the case, but for some reason it's as if whichever person cares less about the other is winning. Why is that? What is wrong with admitting to having feelings and being invested in something? Are we all so terrified of being vulnerable that we guard ourselves with impenetrable walls to hide our insecurities? If we could all be brave enough to love and be loved I think we would all be a lot happier. Text him first. Call her the next day. Put it out there because life is too short to waste time trying not to care.
If we could all put down our phones long enough to see the people right in front of us, and then have the courage to show our interest, we can change the way we interact in the dating world.
