As a woman who is nearly twenty and has had my fair share of relationships, both of the serious and non-serious variety, and who is currently in a serious relationship of over a year, I will be the first to admit that I have thought about my future husband, wedding, honeymoon, etc. I cannot tell you whether the proposal will be planned or spontaneous, whether or not it will rain on my wedding day, or any other small details that make up the best day of your life. What I can tell you, though, is that the man that my gaze will be fixed upon at the other end of that aisle when those church doors open will have asked my father for my hand in marriage before he ever asked me, and will have had a conversation man-to-man with him in which he promised to love and protect me for all of my days.

Yes, I am aware that this is 2017, and the tradition of a potential husband asking a father for his daughter’s hand in marriage prior to the real proposal is not a set-in-stone requirement anymore. I also am aware of the fact that it stemmed from women being forced into marriages with men that they did not want to marry, usually at a very young age, and the potential suitor would ask the father for permission to wed. It is unfortunate that the notion has such dark origins, but my support of it has nothing to do with those things of the past. Rather, it is a nod to the love and respect that I have for my father, and that I know my future husband will have for him as well.

In short, I want my future husband to ask my dad for my hand in marriage before asking me because my father was my first love, as a father should be for every little girl. My father was the one who brought me home from the hospital as a newborn, the one who used to pull my hair gently into ponytails every morning before school because mom was at work, the one who moved me into college and then back home when I realized that I couldn’t be that far from my family. It was with him that I discovered my love of all things political while watching Bill O’Reilly and discussing the talking points, and he is still my favorite person to talk politics with.

Ever since day one in my current relationship, I have told my boyfriend that if he can be even half the man that my dad is for me, we are golden. With that being said, I could never negate the love of my father by my would-be fiancé surpassing asking him for my hand. I know that this would never happen though, as the kind of man that I intend to marry would respect my father enough to ask his permission first, and then upon being granted it, ask me to be his wife.

My father always has and always will have my best interest at heart, and I could not knowingly make a decision to enter into marriage in front of God and my loved ones with a man whom my father disapproved of. Ultimately, it is my happiness that comes first, but I could never be happy with someone whom my father thought could not uphold his vows to me. So, while carrying on this tradition may not be right for everyone, it is right for me and the marriage I will one day enter into.