I know I may lose a lot of friends for outwardly admitting such a heinous crime, but I can no longer remain in hiding.
I, a contributing member of society, own a pair of hot pink Crocs. Before you start throwing stones and harassing my family, please hear me out. I was once like you. I believed that wearing Crocs should have been punishable by law. I have even referred to them numerous times as “The Devil’s Shoe.” I stopped saying that after I realized that not even Satan himself would be caught dead wearing them.
I will be the first one to say that they are, indeed, one of the ugliest things you could put on your feet. After years and years of refusing to ever wear Crocs, it finally happened. Suddenly, the physical appearance of this glorious footwear didn’t matter as much. I am here today to spread the good word and share with you the pros of wearing Crocs.
They’re a sandal AND a shoe.
Did you ever think it would be possible to go to the beach and partake in a running marathon without having to change shoes? This unique two-in-one design is sure to not only save you money, but effectively protect your feet from every activity imaginable. Name one thing you can’t you do in Crocs. I’ll wait.
They have holes.
Some people may say the reason Crocs have holes is because that’s where your dignity leaks out, but that is simply not true. The holes help to ventilate your feet so that they don’t sweat, which is something normal tennis shoes cannot do nearly as well. You can feel the breeze going through your Crocs while you run house to house stealing everyone’s girl.
They’re comfortable.
Do you want to know what’s better than walking on a cloud? Walking on a cloud in Crocs. These shoes are lightweight, soft and durable as hell. I’m not a person who cries easily, but when I wear my hot pink Crocs, I tear up a little.
They have charms and embellishments.
By now, we all know that Crocs are fugly. What if I told you that you could make them a little less fugly by decorating them with cute little charms? The variety of Crocs charms is ridiculously large. You like Spider-Man? Get a Spiderman Croc charm. You like "The Little Mermaid?" They got Ariel Croc charms. You like Minions? Get out of my face.
I don’t know if Crocs will ever return. I just hope that if they do, we will welcome them back with open arms. Even if they’re not the prettiest of shoes, they do their job and that’s what matters. I can’t wait for the day that I can publicly wear my hot pink Crocs without worrying that someone is going to take a picture and make a meme of me. I’m not asking everyone to go out and buy a pair of Crocs. I’m simply saying that we should quit being haters and stop pretending that a Crocs comeback would be worse than a Bubonic Plague comeback.
