I am just a few days away from turning 20. I'm no longer able to call myself an angsty teen but I have a year to go until I'm able to go to the bar. Trust me, I'm counting.

But this birthday in particular has sent me into a downward spiral that I can compare to your local 40 year old man who is about to buy a sports car or a moped. Or your local 40 year old woman who is on a juice cleanse and is selling you makeup on Facebook live.

So would you call this a quarter-life crisis or just a part of my weekly mental breakdown? I guess that's interpretive. Needless to say, entering this part of my life has me FREAKING OUT. The main reason is that I feel obligated to take the world by storm the second I turn 20 or else I'm doomed to a life of failure and loneliness.

I don't really understand why I'm inflicting this upon myself, but I feel like your 20's is where everywhere is supposed to magically happen. I'm supposed to get my dream job, acquire some sense of financial stability and find someone who is deranged enough to want to spend the rest of their life with me. That is a LOT of pressure for someone who cries twice a week over things like the cafeteria running out of birthday cake ice cream.

How do you even go about getting all of that started? At what point do I transition from a struggling, unstable college student to an adult that has their life together? When do I stop wearing tshirts that I got from highschool volleyball tournaments and start wearing jeans to the grocery store? When do I start buying actual food at the grocery store instead of goldfish?

I see a lot of adults around me that seem to have it all together and I try to picture them when they were in my shoes. I'm hoping that these adults are just teenagers in monkey suits, people that still have no clue what the hell they're doing but managed to look the part.

I've technically been deemed as an adult by society for a few years now, but I feel anything but. I'll probably still be 35 and wondering when I will feel and look like a professional, even though I'm wearing business casual and carrying a portfolio and whatever important things go inside of those.

So, as I enter this new decade of my life, I'll say thank you to all of the birthday wishes, but know that I'm screaming inside because this is going to be a long amount of time filled with self doubt about my career path and the impending countdown on the amount of time I have left to find someone to settle down with. Here's to figuring everything out!