“I can’t wait until high school.”
“I can’t wait to get my driver’s license.”
“I can’t wait until college.”
“I can’t wait to get married.”
Contentment is a nice word, but a difficult concept to live. When is the last time you were able to say that you were truly content? Not yearning for a “simpler” time, not looking ahead to what’s next, and not dwelling on all the reasons you’re not happy right now? When is the last time you quieted yourself for long enough to think about you and your life right now, at this present moment, and feel truly happy and content?
It’s so easy for us to look back and remember when times were “simpler” and “better.” We had a bedtime but didn’t have a job. We had to be home before dark but didn’t have bills to pay. When we had a bad dream we could walk down the hall to our parents’ room and know that everything would be fine. But were those times really as good as we remember them? Remember how much you hated your bedtime and would look for any excuse to stay up later? Remember all that drama with friends in middle and high school?
The further away the past becomes, the better it seems. Perhaps this is because our lives are becoming more stressful by the year, but perhaps it’s also because we remember the past better than it truly was. We don’t remember negative events that happened when we were younger as clearly as the good times because we don’t want to remember things that make us feel bad—instead, we focus on happy events that make us feel good. Therefore, we associate the past with positive events and overestimate the amount of negative in our lives now, thinking that there’s more now than there was then. But in fact, there probably was a similar amount of negative then that we simply fail to remember.
All of those statements at the beginning of this article are ones that I have thought and said many, many times. I have always been the type to live in the future rather than the past. Either of these tendencies, however, kills contentment. While setting goals, planning, looking forward to the future, and appreciating the past are all good things, we must also strive to enjoy each of those milestones as we reach them. Otherwise, we can easily become disappointed that they weren't what we expected. For example, I could not wait to turn 16 and get my driver’s license. And once I got it, the freedom of being able to drive myself where I wanted to go was just as good, or better, than I thought it would be! This is one way we can foster contentment—celebrate the achievement of the goals we’ve been looking forward to and working towards for so long.
As a soon-to-be-married college senior, I have countless responsibilities, worries, and stresses. Although my childhood was a “simpler” time, I wouldn’t go back for anything. It probably wasn’t always as good as I remember it, and the present probably isn’t quite as difficult as it sometimes seems. In my short, just-over two decades, of experience, I have come to the conclusion that the “secret” to being a happy adult is deciding to be content where I am. It’s not always easy, and I fail every day. But it’s something to strive for, and I’m much happier for it. So next time you find yourself daydreaming about the past or yearning for the future, just remember to enjoy the present.
