I spent the last two weeks traveling across Europe. I visited London, Barcelona, and Vic with my family as we went to visit our foreign exchange student from the past year. Leading up to the trip I was understandably excited. I mean, who wouldn't be? Visiting Europe for the first time and seeing one of your best friends that you hadn't seen in 400 days? But I also had a sense of dread creep into my thoughts. I would think things like "what will I miss out on when I'm gone?", "will something come in the mail that's important and time sensitive?" although those thoughts are not something I could control.

And this is why I don't like traveling (with anxiety). Don't get me wrong, I love to fly and see new places and take in the culture that is vastly different than my Midwest hometown's, but as I've grown older it has become increasingly harder for me to allow myself to simply enjoy the act of traveling. I could be standing underneath Big Ben staring at the amazing architecture and suddenly be worrying about when I worked next. Or I could be riding horses outside of Barcelona enjoying the heat and scenery and quickly be overtaken by the sense that something was about to go wrong. A majority of the time my worries are unjustified--I had already taken care of them before I left. But as I began my whirlwind vacation I began to feel myself succumb to my anxiety and become distracted by my worries and focus on them instead of the wonderful countries I was in. This fear and worry have become constant as I have traveled over the past couple years. Every time a plane takes off I am not worrying about whether or not we will reach our destination, but what people at home are doing or if I'm missing out on something. The aspect of change plays a large role into why I feel these things. I have never been a fan of change and have always enjoyed being home and in my own bed. And when one travels they are obviously no longer home, or in a place that makes them inherently comfortable. As I traveled I felt alienated, with a constant fear of looking like the stereotypical tourist these cities constantly see. I did not like their eyes drifting over to my family as we sat on the subway talking in our quite obvious American accents. This simple change of going from somewhere where I am comfortable and blend in with ease to a place where just the act of speaking sets me apart through my entire thought process for a loop.

Luckily I was able to overcome these fears after the first couple of days and enjoy the fantastic experiences Europe had to offer. But the fact that I lost time to pointless and senseless worries continues to illustrate to this day why I don't like traveling (with anxiety).