Growing up, I was an avid reader of young adult novels. My mother was a teacher and a librarian; she was always bringing me home the newest and most popular romance novels for teens.
I always wanted what the characters had in the books I read: fun, adventurous dates where both involved are captivated with happiness. I wanted to understand what it was like to feel like you’re the only two people in a room, to know what it was like to be in love.
Some may say that this idea was an unrealistic fantasy of high school relationships. They might say that I was expecting too much, but they are wrong. I knew how I wanted to feel and the type of person I wanted to be with. So, I ignored attention from any boy that gave it to me because I did not want to settle for anything less.
When I was 17 and in my senior year of high school, I met the person I had waited for. It didn’t matter if it was a formal dance or a night in, everything was fun when I was with him. He was one of my best friends and someone I connected with more than anybody I had ever met.
We dated throughout our senior year and definitely experienced some ups and downs, but it wasn’t until summer came to an end that the issue of long distance became a real problem. Neither one of us was sure things would work out. With our relationship working like a ticking time bomb, we had not spent much time together and seemed to have accepted our fate.
When a friend told me that she had heard he cheated on me, it did not come as much of a surprise due to the struggles we had at the time. Obviously, I was angry, hurt and I knew that no matter what excuse, cheating was never alright. But the first love is always the hardest and even when I wanted to hate him completely, there was still a large part of me that couldn’t.
When I moved away and went to college, I found myself still thinking about the relationship. I analyzed everything that happened until there was nothing else to consider. So, by the next time I saw him nearly six months later, I had had plenty of time to reflect on the relationship. We talked about all the things we did wrong and how silly we were during our relationship. We were able to laugh at ourselves and realize that we both messed up numerous times. From this talk, I had a realization: we were, and still are, just kids.
In a first serious relationship, I didn’t know what I was doing, and neither did he. At 17 and 18 years old, how were either of us supposed to be great at communicating with each other? We could barely take care of ourselves, so how were we supposed to know how to take care of each other?
Understanding that people make mistakes, especially when they’re just 18 and still learning, is important. While I can never forget what he did and how it hurt me, I can forgive him for his actions. Because the best way to move on is to forgive those who have done you wrong.
After all, the relationship was all that I had wanted growing up. I can’t ever forget the amazing time I had and the memories I made, but it is time to move on so I can apply all that I learned to make my next relationship as spontaneous and wonderful as the last.
