Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe that soulmates exist. Over the years, media and culture have exploited love to be this magical concept, convincing people that once you find it, you will be happy all of the time and the relationship will be easy, and if it isn’t, it wasn’t “meant to be.” People daydream about meeting the love of their life, romanticizing how it will be when they meet “the one” or their “soulmate,” believing that their significant other will complete them. Honestly, I used to believe these things myself. However, I have come to realize that this view was merely an unrealistic pipe dream, but don’t worry. I’ll explain.

A lot of people that believe in soulmates make it a goal in life to find that person who will meet all of their needs and complete them like a puzzle piece. Some people may get lucky and end up happy in their relationships; however, most people start dating someone, realize the relationship isn’t as satisfying as they expected -- assuming it is because their partner wasn’t their soulmate -- and then leave to continue their search for “the one.” This only ends with heartbroken people and increasing divorce rates around the world because when things get hard in relationships, it has become commonplace for people to take the easy way out and write it off as if the other person was just not their missing puzzle piece.

My belief is that soulmates are not real and that a search for another person to complete you is fruitless and futile. As a Christian, I have come to realize that I am whole by simply being who I am. I know that I do not need another person to fill a void in my soul as if they were my “missing piece.” Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we don’t need people in our lives. It wasn’t good for Adam to be alone, so God created Eve to be his helper. What I am saying is that, while we need people (for community, accountability, and encouragement), it is not one specific person who is meant to do this for us. In the beginning, we were made in perfect relationship with God, so we are kind of wired for relationships and intimacy, but the only thing that can fully satisfy that desire is the Lord Himself.

Today’s relationships are failing because people are putting an imperfect person in the position that only God can fill, and getting upset when it doesn’t play out the way that we expected. The solution is to come into a relationship with God first, loving Him and receiving the relational satisfaction that only He can give. After making that happen, it is possible to enter into a relationship with another person, with Christ as the center, knowing that we are all broken people in need of a savior, and using humility, grace, and forgiveness equally to love each other.

The perspective of soulmates is selfish if you think about it -- it is centered on what makes YOU feel good and happy rather than being self-sacrificing as the Bible calls us to be in our relationships with others. Our relationships are not just a magical, perfect experience that is left up to the universe to decide. Instead, loving someone is a choice, and it is a decision you make every day. It isn’t easy, especially in the times when they are not everything you want them to be, but God loved us while we were still sinners, and in the same way we are to love each other.