Providing comfort to my friends during incredibly rough times in their life is something I’ve always dealt with. I’m used to being the problem solver. Whether it be having my friends come to me to cry, to vent, or even use me as their therapist. I’m constantly giving advice, advice that I think is useful and, if my friends do follow it, will be beneficial to them in whatever situation they’re going through at the moment. While I look back at all the instances I was in where I was caught giving my friends advice, I realize that I’m so quick to give other people advice and I’m so resistant to even listen to my own.

I think the problem presented in this situation is I am at odds with myself. I have dealt with multiple issues in life and, quite honestly, sometimes I choose not to believe them. I’m constantly brushing them off like they’re insignificant and don’t matter. I hate going to people for advice because I’m incredibly stubborn and don’t think that the advice of someone my age who also deals with the same problems as me will be of any help at all. I’m a hypocrite. I’m 19 years old and I act as a therapist for my friends; yet, I’m so unwilling to open up my mind and let my own advice speak to me as well. Under certain circumstances, I have gone through the same exact difficulties that my friends were venting to me about in that moment. The difference is, my friends chose to be vocal about their issues while I chose to hide them. And while deep down I knew and understood that I needed to listen to my own advice and work on the situation, I was constantly in denial. If my friend is lonely or homesick, I tell them that they need to get out of bed, stop sulking, and be productive with their day. But, when I’m lonely or homesick, I’m usually one to lay in my bed all day, pitying myself, and not wanting anything to do with anyone. So, all there really is to say about that is why am I so quick to give others advice if I won’t listen to my own?

Because of my recent realization of this internal issue, I’ve been a lot more mindful when giving others advice if I know I wouldn’t necessarily apply what I say to my own life. The bottom line is, why would anyone want to take my advice if they can’t even believe that you won’t take your own advice? That’s synonymous as going to see a therapist for counseling and advice and then realizing the advice the therapist gave you doesn’t align with anything they believe in their personal lives. While a therapist has learned for years the correct techniques on the process of advice-giving, I, for one, am an amateur in the field. My recent realization of this issue has since had an impact on me and I have slowly been trying incredibly hard to give and take advice instead of only giving.

So, overall, I really just need to listen to myself a little more. If I’m going to use my wisdom on my friends and share with them the small amount of advice I have, I might as well listen to myself in the meantime. While my friends don’t always listen to what I have to say, I know they’re always appreciative of the comfort and attention I provide. And, if that means anything at all, It seems as if my advice can go a long way. Moving forward, I’m going to start listening to myself more. I know that if even a little bit of my advice is beneficial to someone, there’s no reason it shouldn’t have an impact on me.