Searching for the right college is a challenge. You have to take literally everything into consideration. Where you decide to go to college will be one of the biggest decisions of your life, whether you like it or not. You’re either going to apply to two schools for 20, in state and out, maybe in another country if you really want too. In the end though, it all comes down to one.

My senior year of high school, I wasn’t big on the whole college thing, in fact, I almost decided not to go to college right away. Once I went to a college fair though, I got more into the idea, and figured applying to a few schools wouldn’t hurt. I was driven to Boston, a city I absolutely loved, but out of all of the college there, only two truly applied to me.

First, there was Curry College, where their communications program and special education department was phenomenal, but their private college price got in the way. Even the scholarship they gave me wasn’t enough to truly pull me in.

Then there was Emerson College, it was right in the heart of Boston, near my sister (who was recently moving to the area) and had an amazing journalism program. The only thing about it was that it was extremely hard to get into. Being a private college, they didn’t accept everyone of course. I was scared of rejection, so I didn’t apply.

Today, I’m a junior at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts, and although I love it here, I regret not applying to Emerson. I always wonder if I’d be happy there like I am in North Adams, if I would make the same kind of friendships that I have here, and if I’d be gaining the experience that I now have under my belt. I’ll never know though, because I’m already halfway through my college career, and I wanted to go to a college where I saw myself at for four years, not less and then become a transfer.

Emerson College was my dream school, hands down. That same junior year, one of my classes (a class of four students I should point out) took a field trip to the Boston Book Festival, and while we had some down time, my teacher set up a tour at the school just for me. As we walked through the academic buildings and dorm rooms, I fell in love with it. The school had everything I wanted, but who wants to receive a small envelope from a school they want to get into so much?

The fear of rejection scared me away. I thought if I couldn’t get into Emerson, I couldn’t get into anywhere, but that obviously wasn’t true. I was doubting myself and my abilities to succeed, I was telling myself, “Your grades aren’t good enough to get into Emerson, why even waste the money on an application?”

I think back now and realize that I shouldn’t have been afraid. One of my friends applied to their dream school, and even though people told her she probably might not get in, she did, she proved them wrong. I should’ve proved myself wrong. Sometimes I want to hand in an application right now and see what would happen, whether I would get in or not. But what would happen if I did? Everything would change.

The world works in really weird ways, especially on where you end up in life. I ended up in a college town similar to my hometown, one that I absolutely love, where I’ve become more involved than I ever imagined. Maybe on that day when applications were due my senior year of high school, the world was spinning a specific way for me.