The second the L-word gets brought up, my rolling eyes and interruption with "love isn't real" is guaranteed. But here's the thing, I love love. And for someone that loves the people in her life so deeply, like myself, I want to be clear. Yes, I do believe in love, and maybe one day love will stumble in my path. But the college dating culture today has made it hard for me to believe here and now is the time and place for something as incredible as love.
This is why I won't date in college, and why I think everyone should do the same:
1. I don't want to depend on someone else for my own happiness.
The moment you get attached to someone you are dating, your happiness slowly becomes dependent on your relationship. The moment you get in a fight, the agony after breaking up, the trust issues ... I don't want to have to worry about that when I am in college trying to find my own way in this crazy adult world full of failed exams and all-nighters. I'm emotionally unstable at the library at 3 a.m. enough already.
2. I don't want to lose the best four years of my life to someone that could walk out any second.
I know this sounds a little harsh, like come on, love is trusting them completely or the things that you sacrifice for true love…right? I agree, if you find it in college I support you, and I am so tremendously happy for you. But for me, I don't want to spend time looking for "Mr. Right" here in college meanwhile my super-fun, crazy, best experiences here in college are just passing on by.
3. College dating isn't dating.
Hooking up is the culture of college dating. Even for the ones who have found love here, how many relationships started by a drunken make out on a Thursday night? And hey, we all have those. We're in college, and it's fun, I totally agree. And maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic who secretly wants to meet my husband with some crazy story Nicholas Sparks would write a bestseller about, but all I know is that in college, relationships come on convenience rather than connections, and we settle rather than set standards.
4. My girls.
Everyone knows the girl, or has been the girl, who gets too involved with her relationship, and then she starts picking boy time over girl time. And that's one thing I don't ever want to lose in college. I don't ever want to have to decide between the time I spend with my girls—my best friends—and the time I spend with my boyfriend. And plus, I live for the "Why can't you be a boy so we can get married" jokes to my best friend.
5. My family.
Of course, I'd love to have a family of my own some day. But I am the baby of my family, my parents' best friends and my sisters' No. 1 fan. Sure, I know I can always be this girl, but the second I start having another person that I love as a priority to spend time with, it slowly goes from personal interactions with my family to coming as a package deal. Invited to every birthday, Christmas party, Hawaii vacations ... which are great, don't get me wrong, but I just don't think I am ready to sacrifice how incredibly close I am with my family for always having a boy in the mix yet.
6. Lack of connection.
I live to connect. So we hooked up, that's cool, but just know I'm about to keep you up for an hour or two longer to get to know you. Yeah, I'm that girl, but how am I supposed to know you based on your abilities in bed or what fraternity you're in. I wanna chat, but it doesnt mean I'm trying to make you my boyfriend on the spot ...There's this weird thing with college boys that as soon as a girl wants to know about you it means she is ready to put a ring on it. That 1 a.m. text to sleep over just doesn't do it for me. Let's talk.
7. I'm weird. And I'm not going to change that for anyone.
I'm sorry, but if you can't handle me on the dance floor when "Come On Eileen" comes on or the fact that I'll drive three hours to go to a llama petting zoo, we won't do. I hope you don't get embarrassed easily cause I'm gonna tear up the dance floor at that party, and there is nothing you can do to stop me. College is about finding and being yourself, right?! YOU DO YOU, MAN ... and if it happens to work with me doin' me, cool.
8. We're all independent-minded.
Hi, welcome to UCLA, the school where each student that enrolled came with a future already planned out, and it didn't include a spouse or girlfriend or anyone else but yourself. I mean that's how we all got in here, we have goals, and we achieve them, and that's what I love about college. But I'm just not down to settle to be a side chick to someone's chemistry degree. Ouch.
9. Commitment. Yikes.
I can't even decide what candy to buy at the movies, let alone deciding to be with someone for the rest of my life. I'm 20 years old, and to sign my independence away forever to be with someone for the rest of my life is a huge commitment. Huge. So, I'm not gonna date to mess around with feelings, mine or yours. I assure you the next time I call someone my boyfriend, it's not gonna be just anyone. And I'll probably have called my mom 37 times before actually committing to him, just to be sure.
I'm all about committing if I find the one, trust me. I say "love isn't real" far too often for what I actually mean. I believe love in this place, college, does exists. But I don't think it does for me. But I will say this: I wont let the culture of college love ruin my chance at finding love at all. College love is the best thing that's ever happened to me, or rather, hasn't happened to me. Because for me, I refuse to let go of my idea of love, the soul mates kind of love. And I know, I know. Who knows, maybe that doesn't exist anymore in today's generation. And if it does exist, it sure is rare. But that's the best part. One day, when it does come along, I know that it is so rare that he must be the one.