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Dating Needs To Wait Until After College, And Here's Why

Jun 09, 2015

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Dating Needs To Wait Until After College, And Here's Why

The second the L-word gets brought up, my rolling eyes and interruption with "love isn't real" is guaranteed. But here's the thing, I love love. And for someone that loves the people in her life so deeply, like myself, I want to be clear. Yes, I do believe in love, and maybe one day love will stumble in my path. But the college dating culture today has made it hard for me to believe here and now is the time and place for something as incredible as love.

This is why I won't date in college, and why I think everyone should do the same:

1. I don't want to depend on someone else for my own happiness.

The moment you get attached to someone you are dating, your happiness slowly becomes dependent on your relationship. The moment you get in a fight, the agony after breaking up, the trust issues ... I don't want to have to worry about that when I am in college trying to find my own way in this crazy adult world full of failed exams and all-nighters. I'm emotionally unstable at the library at 3 a.m. enough already.

2. I don't want to lose the best four years of my life to someone that could walk out any second.

I know this sounds a little harsh, like come on, love is trusting them completely or the things that you sacrifice for true love…right? I agree, if you find it in college I support you, and I am so tremendously happy for you. But for me, I don't want to spend time looking for "Mr. Right" here in college meanwhile my super-fun, crazy, best experiences here in college are just passing on by.

3. College dating isn't dating.

Hooking up is the culture of college dating. Even for the ones who have found love here, how many relationships started by a drunken make out on a Thursday night? And hey, we all have those. We're in college, and it's fun, I totally agree. And maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic who secretly wants to meet my husband with some crazy story Nicholas Sparks would write a bestseller about, but all I know is that in college, relationships come on convenience rather than connections, and we settle rather than set standards.

4. My girls.

Everyone knows the girl, or has been the girl, who gets too involved with her relationship, and then she starts picking boy time over girl time. And that's one thing I don't ever want to lose in college. I don't ever want to have to decide between the time I spend with my girls—my best friends—and the time I spend with my boyfriend. And plus, I live for the "Why can't you be a boy so we can get married" jokes to my best friend.

5. My family.

Of course, I'd love to have a family of my own some day. But I am the baby of my family, my parents' best friends and my sisters' No. 1 fan. Sure, I know I can always be this girl, but the second I start having another person that I love as a priority to spend time with, it slowly goes from personal interactions with my family to coming as a package deal. Invited to every birthday, Christmas party, Hawaii vacations ... which are great, don't get me wrong, but I just don't think I am ready to sacrifice how incredibly close I am with my family for always having a boy in the mix yet.

6. Lack of connection.

I live to connect. So we hooked up, that's cool, but just know I'm about to keep you up for an hour or two longer to get to know you. Yeah, I'm that girl, but how am I supposed to know you based on your abilities in bed or what fraternity you're in. I wanna chat, but it doesnt mean I'm trying to make you my boyfriend on the spot ...There's this weird thing with college boys that as soon as a girl wants to know about you it means she is ready to put a ring on it. That 1 a.m. text to sleep over just doesn't do it for me. Let's talk.

7. I'm weird. And I'm not going to change that for anyone.

I'm sorry, but if you can't handle me on the dance floor when "Come On Eileen" comes on or the fact that I'll drive three hours to go to a llama petting zoo, we won't do. I hope you don't get embarrassed easily cause I'm gonna tear up the dance floor at that party, and there is nothing you can do to stop me. College is about finding and being yourself, right?! YOU DO YOU, MAN ... and if it happens to work with me doin' me, cool.

8. We're all independent-minded.

Hi, welcome to UCLA, the school where each student that enrolled came with a future already planned out, and it didn't include a spouse or girlfriend or anyone else but yourself. I mean that's how we all got in here, we have goals, and we achieve them, and that's what I love about college. But I'm just not down to settle to be a side chick to someone's chemistry degree. Ouch.

9. Commitment. Yikes.

I can't even decide what candy to buy at the movies, let alone deciding to be with someone for the rest of my life. I'm 20 years old, and to sign my independence away forever to be with someone for the rest of my life is a huge commitment. Huge. So, I'm not gonna date to mess around with feelings, mine or yours. I assure you the next time I call someone my boyfriend, it's not gonna be just anyone. And I'll probably have called my mom 37 times before actually committing to him, just to be sure.

I'm all about committing if I find the one, trust me. I say "love isn't real" far too often for what I actually mean. I believe love in this place, college, does exists. But I don't think it does for me. But I will say this: I wont let the culture of college love ruin my chance at finding love at all. College love is the best thing that's ever happened to me, or rather, hasn't happened to me. Because for me, I refuse to let go of my idea of love, the soul mates kind of love. And I know, I know. Who knows, maybe that doesn't exist anymore in today's generation. And if it does exist, it sure is rare. But that's the best part. One day, when it does come along, I know that it is so rare that he must be the one.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

Dating Needs To Wait Until After College, And Here's Why

1. I don't want to depend on someone else for my own happiness.

2. I don't want to lose the best four years of my life to someone that could walk out any second.

3. College dating isn't dating.

4. My girls.

5. My family.

6. Lack of connection.

7. I'm weird. And I'm not going to change that for anyone.

8. We're all independent-minded.

9. Commitment. Yikes.

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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