In your life you are going to meet so many people and if you're anything like me, you think that everyone who enters your life is either a lesson or a blessing. The thing about having friends is that you could break them down into so many different categories. You have your high school friends, your college friends, the friends you met in that club, classroom friends, hi and bye friends, friends you talk to daily, friends you won’t talk to for years, fake friends and of course toxic friends. If you ask me, those are the worse kind. I think having toxic friends is worse than having enemies because at least with enemies you both know you do not like each other. On the other hand, toxic friends are a whole different game.
At first, you wouldn’t even notice how toxic the friendship is. They really warm up to you and you warm up to them. You begin to do typical friend things. You go out to eat, hang out at each others houses, and maybe even gossip a little (or a lot). Don’t let people tell you differently- toxic friendships are real friendships. There isn’t anything fake about this friendship. Fake friends are a completely different topic. You realize a fake friend before a toxic one. You both really do trust one another and that is what makes the friendship so great. It is just like any other friendship you've ever had. There aren’t any red flags or warning signs when you get into a toxic friendship. You go in completely blind.
Then things slowly start to turn but still nothing is too noticeable. They start making passive aggressive comments about everything you do. You push it under the rug because why would you start a problem over something you think is so minor. Maybe they were right- you do look like you didn’t get a lot of sleep last night or maybe you should spend more time on your outfits. These comments are not constant and if you bring it up, you might look over dramatic, so you do your best to hide it. You still hang out with them and smile because it doesn’t feel that bad. You start thinking about how you are going to get more sleep or maybe your next paycheck will go into buying some new clothes to flatter your figure. They are only saying this because they care.
Then the insults start to pile up and you don’t say anything, but you start to realize that as your friend, they shouldn’t be saying these things. The little comments turn into full blown insults, but you watch what you say because they might laugh at you and when you’re around them you just don’t feel the same. You catch yourself complaining to other friends and just feeling hurt all the time. This is when it turns toxic. If you cannot act like yourself around this person this isn’t the friendship you need to be in. Getting out of one can be tough. You feel very deeply for this person because like I said, this is a real friendship. You know so much about them and they know so much about you. You ask yourself how you are just supposed to get up and leave them behind. Or better yet, how are you supposed to survive without them?
It's ok though to not be their friend, and here is why. Your happiness and self worth comes first. You don’t need someone on your shoulder constantly telling you what you are doing wrong. You wanting to make yourself happy doesn’t make you a bad person. Sometimes people don’t realize that. You have mutual friends of yours telling you that you are being over dramatic or even unfair to cut that person off. Sometimes a friendship like that isn’t meant for everyone. Not everyone feels how you feel, or takes things how you take them. It doesn’t mean you’re a push over, drama queen, rude or inconsiderate. It means you need to free your mind of negativity. You aren’t a doll for anyone to push around, you are someone who is truly special and deserves to be treated with kindness.
Do not try the whole distancing yourself thing. You have to make ending this friendship short and quick. The more you prolong it, the harder it is for it to end. They could guilt you and make you feel awful about wanting to end the friendship, but in the end you both will be thanking each other. It will not be obvious at first and maybe will not become noticeable until years later. The thing is, different people work better together than others. You have to find a friend group where you fit in and don’t have to worry about pushing your thoughts down. Once both of you notice that, it is easier to find happiness. You need to be around people that challenge you, not people who walk all over you and honestly why would want to be friends with someone who lets you walk all over them? Being friends is all about growing.
People will say you will only find friends like these in high school. But, that’s not true. They are in college, at work, on your block- toxic friends are everywhere. You just have to remember when dealing with them that if you’re not happy, get out. No friendship is worth your misery. You’re a star and if they don’t let you shine then what is the point.
