For 12 years, I lived in a small town where I went to school with the same people for all 12 years and everyone knew each other. For all of those years, I never thought of Lubbock as 'home'. It was just the place I was staying until I could make it back to San Antonio. Fast forward to August of 2012 and I was back in San Antonio to go to college. I expected it to be magical and beautiful and feel perfect. Instead, I actually missed everything from home - the home that I realised it had been all along.
But here's the thing about growing up in a small town - no one gets out. There were less than 40 people in my graduating class who left Lubbock for college. This isn't a bad thing and I know it's not for everyone or an option for everyone, but it meant that going back now, I've changed a lot. I couldn't stay, though. I couldn't go to college with the same people I had been in 1st grade with. They all remember those awkward phases you went through or some random fact that you would rather not have around your neck throughout college as well.
I wanted to reinvent myself.
Now, granted, not as much changed as I expected it to, but that's another story. So while I have watched a lot of people that I went to school with fill that 'small town, west Texas twentysomething' stereotype, I've gotten to explore just being me. But the problem with leaving home is that eventually you go back. The first few times going home, it felt just like I'd been away for a little while. My friends were all still there, we still met up for game nights, and it was just the right balance. But slowly, some of those friends have gotten into graduate school, or moved out of the state, and now I'm left looking at the remnants of what I knew about the town and it's rewriting my opinion.
What most people don't realise about a small town, particularly in the south, is that you really do know everybody, you can talk to anyone about almost anything - particularly standing in the grocery store line during the holidays - your haunts won't change, and everything moves at a much slower pace. Going back now has given me the chance to keep the friendships that I want going strong, even when I suck at texting. Looking at rent prices on those nights where you feel like your life is going nowhere is very relaxing, especially when you're comparing them to rent in Manhattan... It would be so easy to go back. Besides, you already know the good and bad neighbourhoods, so you wouldn't even need to do any research!
Apparently, in the last 4 years, my hometown hit some mark and actually started getting some of the restaurants and stores that I wanted the entire time I was there. Maybe they're trying to target the younger crowd more aggressively, but it actually is kind of working on me. I just have to keep reminding myself that I wouldn't be able to do what I want to do there. I'm no longer looking at it from the eyes of a homesick college freshman, but rather from the eyes of a 21-year-old soon-to-be-college-grad who misses the slow life and comfort of a small town because let's face it, the world is terrifying.
For many people, going home is a completely viable option. Austin, Houston, Chicago... A lot of people never really even have to leave these cities. But I keep having to remind myself that there's a big world out there, and what better time to explore than now? Especially when, if you really have to, you can always go home.
