With the Brock Turner scandal flooding our newsfeeds, rape and sexual assault are suddenly on the minds of the general public once again. As I watch the repercussions of this case, I cannot help but wonder how it is possible that the act of publicly raping a woman receives a semester-long prison sentence. While I want to claim that the judge has been desensitized to rape, I think a larger problem is evident.
During my final months of college, I attended a panel on rape/sexual assault among college students. Although the questions asked during the panel portion were important, I was asked the hardest question several days after the panel. While discussing the issue with a peer, she asked me a disturbing question: “How do I know if I have been raped?”
I had to pause after hearing her. How could I possibly answer this question? Since first learning about rape as a middle schooler, I had always considered the line between sex and rape black and white. Sex without consent meant rape. However, as I contemplated my response, I realized this is no longer the case. And as I now think about this question, one trend seems clear: as society continues to devalue sex, rape becomes an option. When sex becomes a gray area, rapists are given a slap on the wrist and victims are questioned about what really happened because maybe, they both were at fault. You see, sex is no longer special.
What was once a bond shared between two people who genuinely loved each other has now become a casual encounter on a Friday night, lacking both meaning and substance for all who participate, yet impacting both immensely. We teach both men and women that sex is a currency. We see other humans as sexual objects, picking and choosing each other based on our needs at the moment. We have a culture that puts sex on a pedestal while simultaneously trivializing it. We honor sex as a primary need but understate its impact on individuals.
And in the midst of all of this confusion, we wonder how Brock chose sex to fulfill his desire for power and sexual gratification. We cannot fathom how a judge in California can only give months as punishment and a father can disregard rape as “20 minutes of action.” We perpetuate this culture and yet, when the impact of our creation comes to fruition, we take no responsibility.
When Brock Turner chose to rape that woman, he alone was responsible for his action; society, however, was responsible for the culture that first made rape an option.
Before Brock chose rape, he chose to pair aggression with sexual fulfillment, mimicking the men on screen who forced a woman into a passionate encounter (that of course, she wanted). Before he chose “passion,” Brock chose to fulfill his need for sex with the next girl he met at the bar (as long as he wore a condom). Before he chose casual sex, he chose to spark his desire for sex by watching the porn suggested in the ad section of a website. Before he chose pornography, he objectified women with his friends during conversations at his locker. And before he saw women as “a piece of ass,” he heard an older sibling (or maybe a parent) refer to women as such.
Brock Turner, like so many other individuals, learned to devalue sex and other humans simultaneously. With the same understanding as a college student looking to hookup, he saw sex as a way to give himself pleasure. He did not acknowledge the impact of his actions on another person because he first did not acknowledge the impact of sex.
A society obsessed with this watered down version of sex cannot exist without rape. If we want to define sex by casual one night stands and sexual objectification, we must accept that rape is a product of our definition. If, however, we truly want to see a change, then we must be willing to change our concept of sex. We must acknowledge the impact of intimacy and humanize each other, seeing others as individuals and not objects of sexual gratification. If we choose to end sexual violence, then our fight is not with a judge in California or an all-American swimmer; our fight is with the culture we first created.
There are other men and women who struggle with the same question my friend asked me. I want to be able to answer that question. More importantly though, I want to live in a world where that question does not need to be asked.
