"If you live for people's acceptance, you will die from their rejection"
I've been on this earth for almost two decades, and I just now realized that if somebody isn't going to want me because my teeth aren't white enough, waist isn't small enough or skin isn't clear enough then I do not want them anyway. Because no matter how hard I try to please you, nothing I can ever do will be good enough if I don't see myself that way.
Those small irrelevant things aren't things that I want to be loved for. I'd rather be applauded for my character and the way I see the world. The line of being good enough will never be drawn; only erased and drawn again at the comfort of others. The length of somebody's expectations of you will always push the limits of your capability to please them. And that's OK.
Being good enough will never actually be good enough and here's why:
I believe as a society we have this huge misconception of success. It doesn't even matter if you are happy as long as you can fake it well. It doesn't matter if you are emotionally, physically and mentally healthy as long as you are appearing to be. Being good enough has been rearranged and redesigned that as a young generation, we can't even keep up with it.
We take every single last drop of energy and completely contribute it to this idea of looking successful even if it's at the expense of our happiness. And it's so freakin' exhausting. Every single day is a day where you run around like a crazy person attempting to make yourself look great for everybody else but you always seem to miss yourself.
You miss the part where you love the person you've created. Or maybe you've missed it because what you've created out of irrelevant people's opinions and criticism isn't even who are. That thought alone of creating and resting upon an image of something you are not is terrifying.
Trying to be good enough for this and that, him and her, they and them is destructive. It's a never ending cycle of you not making the cut. One day you'll finally get the spot on the team and you thought that's all you've ever wanted... that is until the college recruiters don't pick you the year after. But you won't see it that way because at one point you were good enough for the team but you moved on to the next thing.
Then you find that group of friends at college that should be the "friends you keep forever" but despite your actions lately, you prefer friendships that are built off real conversation opposed to beer pong matches. One time you find yourself invested in a one year relationship with that guy out of your league and the one you're finally "good enough for..." But he dumps you. You now don't feel special anymore because you never truly believed you were until it came out of his mouth.
And maybe that's the problem. Until somebody looks you into the eyes and tells you that you that you made the cut, you'll never believe it. Isn't that scary?
I want to be good enough for me and my goals, my wants and how Jesus sees me when the last chapter of my life story gets closed. I have so many plans, aspirations, ambitions and the thought of coming up short of what I want to do because I was too fixed on everybody else's opinions is terrifying. I would hate to create a life for myself struggling for people that I don't have to prove anything to. Sooner or later you'll find those people that respect you as you are and that is a beautiful thing. Because I want to be proud of the person I really am opposed to being proud of how I made people view me.
I don't care about making the cut to everybody else; if God doesn't view me as a child after His own heart, what's the point? I refuse to be fixed upon temporary things for other people. If I put on makeup, do my hair or throw on a cute outfit, it's for me. Because, truly, nothing so temporary will ever make you stay.
And, quite frankly, I'm good enough for myself, and that's what matters the most.