I know you probably clicked on this because you were thinking, What the actual hell? This can't be right. She is so weird. Well, just bear with me. I know it seems undeniably insane, but it works for me.
I will openly admit that I am an insecure person. I am a frequent victim of jealousy, and I despise it. I think it is the most damaging emotion that exists because it is not a single emotion; it is a mixture of multiple negative emotions. It is a package of anger, envy and obsession tied up in a neat, little loathsome bow. So, I found out early on that the best way to rid myself of jealousy is to confront it.
I put my detest for feeling insecure and threatened above my pride and recognize that it makes no sense to dislike someone just because they dated the same person I am currently dating. In my mind, I have two arguments: she and I must have something in common because we caught the attention of the same person, and I'd much rather like someone than spend my time and energy feeling threatened by them when I haven't even given them a chance.
Before I came to these conclusions, I used to subject myself to the petty hobby of picking apart a girl's physicality in an attempt to make myself feel better. Spoiler alert: it never works. But, once I gave myself the opportunity to connect with these girls, their character overpowered their physical qualities I was so threatened by and I was able to appreciate them for the beautiful and interesting women that they are.
Is it an "easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl" process? No. Because, at first, they tend to think I'm either really weird or that my kindness is insincere. So, it never starts out as a smooth ride, but does it end up working? Yes, it does. I have only done this a few times, but each time it has worked, and I am still friends with all of them. I don't make it a point to seek out "the exes" once I start dating a guy, but I do make it a point to show them only kindness whenever I, inevitably, cross paths with them.
Do the guys I date enjoy it? No, they think it's weird. After a while, though, they begin to accept it because I never allow it to interfere with the relationship itself and they recognize the positive effect it has on my self-esteem.
It is also a major belief of mine that as women, we need to support each other. Our daily lives are too consumed with what we "should" look like, what we "should" be doing, and the lives we "should" be living that we really don't need another reason to feel insecure about ourselves. It is our responsibility to help build every young woman into the resilient individual they are meant to be. We can't let our petty egos keep us from fulfilling our obligations to each other.
Too often women will experience jealousy that stems from the possible threat of an ex-girlfriend and too often men will try to reassure their current girlfriends by belittling their ex-girlfriends. And because of that, I want to share this quote I found on Tumblr.
"Do not compliment me by insulting other women. That is not a compliment, it is a competition none of us agreed to." Jay Ace.
Moral of the story: No matter what past you have with another woman, be brave enough to notice that we are all sailing the same boat. We all deal with the same insecurities and we all go through the same hardships.
By allowing yourself to be jealous, you are only weakening your character. We are stronger together. So set aside your ego and don't compare -- connect. Build each other up, develop wholesome friendships and recognize that another woman's beauty is not the absence of your own. Be happy for them. It will only boost your confidence, I promise.
"Do not compare yourself to her. She is beautiful. You are beautiful. You both are two different kinds of beautiful. You can't compare the sun to the moon and you shouldn't. So, when you see that woman you say, 'God bless her and God bless me' and keep it moving, Love. Katherine Henson."
