As a second-year member of Tap Out Loud (a tap dancing group on campus), I got to experience being on the opposite side of an audition for the first time. After enduring many flashbacks to when I auditioned as a freshman (*cringes*), I sat down against the wall of the dance studio and watched as students learned snippets of our routines. They danced, we took notes, and then once they left we all discussed what we saw.

To my surprise, I felt much more uncomfortable than I thought I would. I had gone into the audition process feeling exciting and relieved. After all, I was already in the group. What did I have to worry about this time around?

My sense of discomfort stemmed from the strange feeling that I was simply sitting there judging. These were tappers that I had never met before and knew nothing about except for their names, and here I was writing down comments and making a decision that would ultimately impact their overall experience here on campus. Of course, not making it into the group certainly wouldn’t be the end of the world, but it could influence their confidence or willingness to audition for other groups in the future. At the very least they would likely feel sad, and no one wants to be the reason for someone else’s gloomy thoughts!

Moreover, part of me also felt bad for judging them based on this single performance. What if they had had a rough day or were feeling ill? Auditions are like an intense first impression, like judging a book by a cover even though you haven’t even cracked open its spine. Sometimes the choice is obvious, and my conscience can rest with ease; however, the sailing isn’t smooth in all waters. Gray areas breed doubt, and the last thing anyone wants to feel when making an important decision is uncertainty.

While I understand that auditions are necessary in order for groups to continue over time, I can’t help but wish that there was a better way to decide who would have the opportunity to be involved.

Being on the other side of the audition process has taught me something that my freshman self would never have believed: Frankly, auditions suck on both sides. Though auditioning last year was a much more scary and stressful experience, this year was by far the most uncomfortable of the two.

So good luck with auditions— to everyone involved!