“I wish people could just say how they feel, like ‘Hey I really don’t like when you do that to me’ or ‘Hey I’m in love with you’ or ‘Hi I really miss you and I think about you all the time’ without sounding desperate. Why can’t everyone be painfully honest and just save people the trouble?”

I saw this on Twitter and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Because whoever said this is right. Being honest is not just the act of not lying to someone. We have been taught to keep everything bottled up, to carefully control our emotions and our thoughts, just on the off chance that something we feel might cause us to also feel pain. But that is no way to live. Keeping your emotions strangled and forced inside hurts and it’s often unnecessary.

Yes, you might get rejected. And it might hurt. But our hearts are made to heal. What if you are honest with someone and they reveal that they were feeling the exact same way? What if you are honest and that person who has been hurting you realizes what they have been doing and they stop?

One of my favorite quotes is from Zooey Deschanel and it goes like this: “Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things.” Along the same lines, allowing yourself to be affected by something and then showing that vulnerability can be frightening. But how can we expect someone to be honest with us if we are not honest with them in return?

What do you learn by living a life where you never put yourself out there or take a risk? Why is it so hard for us to just be completely honest? And I don’t just mean in romantic relationships or with our best friends. Maybe you met someone and just clicked. You really want to get to know them better (maybe in a completely platonic way). So just tell them. What is the worst that could happen? Maybe they didn’t feel the same connection that you did. That’s okay. Maybe they felt something and didn’t know how to say something first. On the other side of the spectrum, maybe someone is treating you badly and you haven’t stood up for yourself.

So I dare you. I dare you to be completely honest. With yourself, with those you love, with those you want to get to know, and even with those who are hurting you. Say all those things that you’ve been too afraid to say. Humans are not made to be solitary creatures. We crave love and affection, so you should never be afraid to ask for that (or to push someone away if their “affection” just isn’t what you need). So take the time to be honest. Something beautiful might happen.