Who You Spend Your Time With Makes An Impact

Be Selective About Who You Spend Your Time With, It's The One Thing You Can't Get Back

Do you aspire to be more like the people you're around? If not, it may be time to rethink some things.

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I'm sure you're familiar with the quote "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with" from motivational speaker Jim Rohn, but it took me more than enough time to hear about its ending.

Without a doubt, we, as individuals, are products of what surrounds us. I mean, even "you are what you eat" implies that sustenance that is readily available and that of which we choose dictates some sort of the way that we function in our everyday lives, if not even the way we identify ourselves. If the concept can apply to the abundance of inanimate things in our lives, it certainly must for those people who occupy the most of our time.

The more of it that we give to others, the increased amount of opportunities we allow for them to influence us in some way or another. Their verbiage, mannerisms, and mentalities may start to rub off on us until we are slowly altered little by little.

Of course, the five people we spend the most time with are also presumably dividing their time between four other people, assuming the amount of time you spend with them is a somewhat significant amount in their own lives. What you receive from a select five is actually a combination of the traits they've adopted from five of their own. And as odd as it sounds, most of what you're comprised of is likely thanks in part to people you've never even met before – at least certainly not your five.

As a matter of fact, the quote generalizes for this very reason. It's often argued that the makeup of one's personality – including intellect, habits, and disposition – are derived from many more sources in much more complex ways.

This, of course, is certainly true to some extent. We are bound to pick and adopt the characteristics that we are exposed to the most, but people are not calculated so cleanly as Rohn may claim. The likelihood of becoming more like our best friend who we interact with on a daily basis is undoubtedly higher than someone else we may see considerably less. However, there is some sort of conscious decision on what we allow ourselves to absorb — it's not always completely involuntary.

No matter where you stand on the quote's veracity, it's vital to admit that it is absolutely crucial to be selective with whom you are giving your time. As we grow older, lose time, and only hope to become more and more like the person we've always envisioned ourselves being, we need to surround ourselves with those whose outlooks and practices align with that of our own.

I think it's also telling that one of those five can simply be ourselves. Us introverted types who tend to finally relax after time on our own come to frequent self-realizations. Sometimes the pressures endured by socialization put our true personalities on hold for a moment, in a box. Without these confines present, we are free to explore more of who we are naturally. No matter if we are under anyone else's influence, alone time allows us to refamiliarize ourselves with the way we behave innately.

Your time is valuable. Be careful of who you decide deserves it because it could very well affect you more than anyone else.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup


Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.

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We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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