We’re living in dark days, Greeks. First, we survived the great blackout of 2013 and then struggled through Snowpocalypse 2014, barely making it out alive. That was all child’s play. I have something to report that is much, much scarier: ghosts are taking over our Greek houses. Yes, you heard me right. Go ahead and let that sink in for a minute. Am I crazy? Quite possibly. But am I an idiot? Absolutely not. Although professionals have said that we are in no immediate danger from these ghosts, we must prepare for the worst.

The most infamous ghost on campus is Karol, the Kappa Ghost. Although 4th Street. is the only boundary between AKΛ and KKΓ, I’ve never had any face-to-face interactions with Karol. However, Odyssey  friend and member of Kappa Kappa Gamma, Allie Snyder, has. According to her eyewitness account, Allie and her roommate – who chose to remain anonymous – were quietly sleeping one night when she felt “someone touching her.” When she awoke, no one else was in the room. Sure, it could have been her roomie, but she reported the same eerie occurrence the next morning. It’s known around Kappa that Karol is very “handsy” and likes to touch the girls while they sleep (yes, it's as creepy as it sounds). Allie also said that Karol is partial to music, especially Emblem3’s, Chloe, so whenever there’s music on in the bathroom she cranks it as high as the stereo goes. If you’re ever at Kappa, be sure to avoid the bathrooms and the basement hallway, as that’s where she likes to lurk.

I’m no ghost expert. Alll my ghost info comes from Ghostbusters and Casper the Friendly Ghost. So to be credible, I did a little Googling to see what I could find. You’d be surprised to know that Karol isn’t the only ghost who has settled down in a sorority. At the University of Georgia, both the Phi Mu and Alpha Gamma Delta houses are reportedly haunted. The ghost of Anna Hamilton haunts Phi Mu, as she allegedly witnessed a group of people murder her boyfriend and bury him under the front steps. Girls have been able to contact her, from time to time, via a Ouija board. I’m a little skeptical on how reliable these are, but after watching Paranormal Activity I’m way too scared to find out for myself. Seems legit. The AΓΔ house is home to their ghost, Suzie, who hung herself in the attic after being stood up at her wedding. Girls have said that they can sometimes see her glaring from the house’s front window when they’re with boyfriends. I hate to say it, Purdue, but these aren’t promising signs.

But wait! Two brave Purdue men are here for our rescue. Ryan Nobis and Dan Heath are risking their lives to curse out the demons and ghosts living in your houses. Under the name Sorority Séance, these two can offer you protection and a solution to your spirit situations. Why are they starting this business, you might ask? Ryan and Dan are “men for others” as they like to call it. Although we’re beginning to come out of the recession, Dan knows that times can be tough. “I didn’t want sororities to try and cut corners and save money by performing exorcisms themselves. It’s a risky business to be in. Trust me, I know, but that’s why they call me Danger Dan.”

While they’re pretty cheap and easy, they do have their costs. When I asked Ryan about their fees, he said it was simple. “A standard exorcism is $100, but we run on the barter system, so we’ll work something out. A couple of Cactus cups sounds like a pretty good deal to me.”  You can contact Sorority Séance by Facebooking Dan or Ryan or by sending an email to SororitySéancePU@gmail.com. They can start work immediately.

While the threat of being fondled by ghosts is getting increasingly stronger, there are individuals and organizations that are more than willing to put their lives on the line for you. So when the time comes, make sure you do the right thing and make that call. Who knows? You could save a life or two.

For more scary statistics and real-time updates on Purdue’s ghosts, follow me on Twitter via my incredibly creative handle @Josh_Klinger. Check out my other masterpieces at http://www.theodysseyonline.com/campus/purdue.