There comes a time in one's life where we simply do not understand who we are. At this point, we should be able to fall back on those that we call family, those that we expect to care for us, to love us and without any conditions and treat us like we are the only ones who exist. But this is where we struggle largely. Because when the time comes that we need this, it seems that there are sudden conditions that come to the surface, there are things thrown back in our faces, and the ways that we are looked at and loved seems to suddenly change.
Who we were as children, how we were loved as children, how we were treated as children and what we were taught, taught us how to live the life that we are in right now. The way we are taught to interact with other humans and how we are taught to make friends is absolutely critical to who we become in the present moment. Most will encourage this -- to reach out to friends, to make friends, to have a life of our own and not be dictated to on the basis of who we are and who we must be. There are, however, that select few who will not allow this to happen. Instead of encouraging the reaching out to other people and becoming friends, we are taught to be excluded and to only spend time with a certain group of people, thus not allowed to explore becoming friends with others our age.
Looking back on life, it is easy to see that the groups of people we are surrounded with are not those who are our age, but rather the ages of our elders. Not to say that this isn't important, to be surrounded by those that will, through time, teach us what the more important things in life are. But it is also incredibly important to socialize with those that are our age. To have those that we can talk to about the things that are going on in our life that people older than us simply do not understand. Or if they do understand, it isn't important to them, because they have already been through it and understand what happens, thus there is no need to talk about it. But, in reality, every person needs that, to be around people who they have some sort of connection to. To talk about the latest whatever may be going on, because to us, that is important
Lewis Carroll in his famous piece, "Alice In Wonderland," had his tough leading character Alice say it best: "I am tired of being told who I am and who I must be." This is where we get trapped; it simply is easier to allow others to form us into what it is they want, rather than making ourselves into who we want to be. This is just a way that people live vicariously through others. When a child is asked what they want to be when they grow up, allow them to be whatever it is they want to be! Fuel that desire, fuel that passion. Do not stifle it and suffocate it. If we are truly loved, do not pick the flowers for this will just kill us; water us, let us grow and admire us. Do not cut our sunlight and wish us to be something other than exactly who we are. Take interest in who we are, what inspires us, and let us be. When we say we need to do something for us, do not look down upon the idea of letting us fly due to your own fears. Allow us to move forward and be free, be brave and be alive.
Everyone has a right to be loved and respected. Perhaps this was the hardest lesson that has to be learned by everyone. But why can't this come from ones own family? This idea always perplexed me. Just because two people are related to one another doesn't necessarily mean that we are going to be taken care of by that family. Family is defined as a social unit consisting of parents and their children considered as a group whether dwelling together, and as a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with their children they care for.
Seems simple enough to have a family. But what happens when this definition is lost? Do we continue to trudge through the mud of the complexities that fill the room which we are all in for one moment? Or do we say enough is enough and break from the inconsistencies that fill the house? Sometimes, as hard as it is to do this, we sometimes have no other choice. It should not end up that all one is able to see is the faults that lay on the surface or underneath the surface. We shouldn't wonder what intentions truly are when one looks at another.
What happened to the days where we sat and talked together about anything and everything? Took an interest in one another and didn't have to focus on just one person? What happened to the days of welcoming others into their hearts despite the differences? And if anything what happened to the definition of family? Do we have to be blood related to be family of another?
As we walk out of one situation and spread our wings into our own life and become who it is that we want to be tomorrow, it becomes almost heart breaking to watch as people who don't know you from the next person walking down the street open their hearts to you. Who talk to you and genuinely care, and treat you like you are the most interesting person to ever walk through their door.
My parting thought on this is, don't get so trapped in the idea of what family should be, and allow yourself to break free and be with those who will always treat you as family, who will not always hold things over the top of you and force you to relive the past. The past is exactly that, the past. It cannot be fixed, it cannot be rewritten, it cannot be redone, if it could be, it would be the future.
We can only move forward from the lessons we have learned, things we have experienced and allow ourselves to move on. If we continue looking out the back window we never are experiencing the beauty that is happening before us. I ran across a quote not to long ago that said it all. One of the hardest things to do in life, is to let go of what you thought was real.
