My first girlfriend cheated on me and then said it was my own fault. I was a senior in high school and I was devastated. But hey, if love was easy everybody would be doing it right?
I’m not the easiest guy to love. I know that. I’m stubborn and childish in my way of thinking. I too often beat myself up emotionally, and I refuse to go easy on it. But for all my faults I know one thing, that I want so much just to love and to be loved by somebody. And now that I am 25 I feel the burning desire to have that love more than ever.
For guidance I keep talking with my dad. Out of anybody else in all the world I can rely on the old man the most for words of wisdom; out of anybody else on this third rock from the sun, Woody Moore is probably the best friend I have. After getting into my most relationship (a relationship I pray to God works) I turned to my dad, and asked, “How do you manage to stick around with mom for close to 30 years?”
The old man didn’t even bat an eye when he said, “Sometimes I wonder why she sticks with me son. It’s a lot of give and take, and nobody knows what he’s doing.”
And that’s the rub of it folks: I don’t know what I’m doing. I am scared to death of screwing things up, and so many times I have screwed up until I just know I just won’t do anything right. That’s my cross, the good ole insecurity creeping up and leaving the fabled burning paper bag on my front door.
But I want to be better than that. I want to be able to love fully and freely, and I want to give my future wife my attention and affection without the fear hindering my every move. That’s the way I want it to be with the girl I just started seeing now. She’s pretty great, and I dig her quite a lot, but I am scared because I just feel in my gut that I’m going to screw something up here. I’m no Prince Charming, but people tell me I don’t need to be. The frog turns into the prince by the magic of a kiss, and besides she likes me anyway. So why must I make a problem out of it?
I don’t know why I do it folks; I don’t know why I have to be dictated by fear. But I refuse to let it rule me any longer. The girl picked me out of a myriad of acceptable men, and for that I am grateful. I don’t take her affection for granted. I hope that she knows that.
You were right dad. Nobody knows what he’s doing. But that adds to the fun doesn’t it?
