Both emotional and physical abuse in a relationship are rising faster than ever. The media has been doing what they can to make people realize and notice that it's real and it's here. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of relationship abuse. You never know when it'll happen or who it'll happen with. You just always assume, "Oh, it'll never happen to me." The thing that really just baffles me is no one says a single word about it until it's too late. The abuser goes on with his or her life, while the victim has to go through this slow and painful process to healing.
Why do we not say anything? Because deep down in our hearts, we are set on believing that he or she will stop and things will get better. I'm writing this to tell you, it doesn't happen like that. Friends of victims who do know, abandon the victim because the victim refuses to leave the relationship. You have to understand—It's not that easy. We believe in the words our significant others say, so when we are told, "I'll never do it again" or "I'm just scared to lose you" we believe it. In our heads, we have invested too much time to just "throw it all away." We firmly believe it won't happen again and he or she will change.
So a week goes by and you believe all is good and the two of you are the happy couple you were hoping to be. Then? Then, we get let down miserably and it goes on repeat and lasts until the victim has had enough. Who's who when you've finally left, though? Who is the abuser and who is the victim? Is the answer obvious? You'd think, but it's not. Chances are, the abuser will feel as if he or she is the victim. He or she will feel like their hearts have been thrown down and to be honest with you- they won't understand why you even left in the first place.
Then, finally- your process begins. Healing. At first, you're going to want to contact him or her. You're honestly going to feel somewhat lost because you just want to go back to what was comfortable. But, every time you're alone, you think about what happened. You think about how he or she threw you in your own car, how he or she tried to throw you into a car door. How he or she dragged you on the ground and no one around helped you. Or how they shoved you and pushed you down in your own home— somewhere you're supposed to feel the safest. You'll remember every throw and every scream.
They damaged you, but I promise, someone will come around. May it be someone new, friends or family. You don't have to talk about it or even tell them about it until you're ready. I do suggest telling your new significant other if you were to move on, just so he or she has an understanding as to why you flinch or why certain things make you freeze or freak. You can try reaching out to others, but chances are they won't believe you because almost everyone in the world wants their ex to feel like the bad guy in any situation and they'll say and do anything to prove otherwise; even if that means lying about something significant like abuse.
You'll eventually go on with your life, so will they. You'll feel obligated to warn anyone they come across, but you can't. Who would believe you? You're just the ex who can't move on at that point. Does it sound like I know how it all feels? Does it sound like I've been through it? There are two sides of any and every story. Now, who's who?
