When I graduated high school, I defined myself as a softball player who was smart. I had spent seven years playing travel and was on the high school softball team all four years. I had always succeeded in my classes and even kind of enjoyed school. I spent most of my time at school, doing homework or playing softball. I found so much of my self worth in being smart and good at softball. This was who I was. These were the aspects of my life that brought me the most joy and gave me a true sense of purpose.
I knew I wasn’t going to play softball in college and that Vanderbilt would challenge my intelligence more than ever before. But I had no idea how having these aspects of my life changed would shake my self-confidence. On campus, I knew absolutely no one. That meant no one knew who I was from high school. They had no idea that I was an athlete because I wasn’t playing any sport on campus. Once classes started, I realized that I was definitely no longer going to be at the top of my class. It seemed like I had no sooner stepped onto campus than my entire identity had vanished.
Having such a core part of who I thought was seemingly disappear brought about a drastic change in me. I felt insecure and like I was simply wandering through life. My drive and perseverance took a major hit. I was no longer an athlete, and no one knew that I had ever been one. I had to work harder for my classes than I had ever worked for anything in my life. I was building this new life in a new city on a campus full of amazing people, but I was still unsure of who I was. I sometimes felt like I couldn’t build truly lasting friendships because I didn’t have a good foundation of myself to build them on.
That’s when God stepped in for me. I had put so much emphasis on these worldly definitions of myself. God slowly but surely reminded me that my true identity could only be found in him. He did this by bringing some wonderful, God-fearing people into my life. They reminded me on a daily basis that there are so many great parts of myself to love. God doesn’t define me by one activity that I’m really good at. God sees my heart and my potential and loves me each and every day.
It took me a little while to realize all of this, but once I did, my entire outlook changed. I realized that I was still smart even though I wasn’t the smartest, and I was still athletic even though I wasn’t actively a part of a team. Once these labels that I had clung so tightly to had been stripped away, I had the freedom and ability to grow and explore in ways I would have never imagined before. So in the end, I truly did not lose anything. I gained an entire new way of seeing myself and how I interacted with others.
