This has been a touchy subject for me as soon as I realized there was a debate on it. I’ve always known people saw my mother and I differently; we are different skin colors so even though it’s always been traditional for us, it may not be for other people. Yet, I’ve come to notice a trend of black women criticizing white mothers on how they do their biracial children’s hair. The straw that broke the camel’s back for me was the following tweet on an article about how a white mother came to learn how to do her biracial children’s hair.
@thatgirlsalina further explains how she read the article and meant to say that white women do not understand that the children they have with black men will come out black. Immediately, I had an issue with the tweet. I read the article before making any assumptions and came to find that the mother was completely distraught with how to do her daughter’s hair. She understood her daughter was different and was going to want her hair to look a certain way, and she tried her hardest to make this happen for her daughter. She took inspiration from a black woman she met on the subway and helped her daughter achieve the curls the daughter was looking for.
She knew her children were going to be black. She knew they would not have the same hair as her. She knew they would need something different done to their hair. But she also knew they were her children.
My mother is my mother. She has the same thick hair as me. We may not have the same skin color, but we have the same slight features and particularity about many things. She is my mother. To attack someone in this way on how they are attempting to raise their children not only alienates the children from their flesh and blood but also reinforces the race barrier that continues to infiltrate our society. As a mother of biracial children, my mother has taken on more of the racial burden we experience than many expect. She feels the way people look at her in the grocery store when she’s disciplining my sisters, who are darker than her. She feels the surprise when people meet the rest of her family and see that they do not share the same physical characteristics as her. She feels the criticism black women have placed on white women who fall in love with black men. And yet, she continues on, because we are her family and we are important to her.
As the mother in the article says, I was always wanting the hair I saw on TV. Girls with loose curls or no curls at all wore their hair so easily; there was no struggle in the morning with combs and clips and product. They could pull it back in a ponytail and call it a day. My mother fought with me on my hair, as I believe most of you have with your mom. She tried everything, neglecting the price of the product or the salon visit, to see if she could get my hair the way I wanted it to be. When my sisters came along, it felt like she had finally mastered biracial hair, but my sisters threw a curveball each with different hair. She again tried and mastered what we wanted and she continues to do it every morning.
There is no way a loving mother (regardless of race) would not try to make her daughter look the way the daughter wanted. There is no way a woman would purposefully allow her daughter to have unkempt hair. There is simply no way a mother of a different race than her child would not relate so greatly to her own child that she would not continuously try to please them and bring them the culture they need.
Furthermore, @thatgirlsalina touches on a criticism that often creates a difficult experience in a biracial person's life. She says that these white women are shocked that their child "comes out black"A biracial person with black and white heritage is not just black. They hold two different identities that create a lighter complexion and a different texture of hair, and to force them to isolate themselves in one identity creates stress and confusion. It is entirely possible for white women to have children with a different skin color than them and with biology, these women do in fact know the color their child will come out as. They further realize that while their child is often a darker color than them, they are still their child.
So don’t come for white woman raising biracial children. Don’t project your institutionalized, deeply-rooted racism on these women that try to create a wonderful life for their children regardless of their race. I get you’re angry that you too had to struggle with your hair, but do not take your anger out on these white women who constantly try to please their biracial children. My mother taught me how to do my hair. She received help from my long-time hair stylist, but she did that on her own.
My mother gave me everything I know about myself, and it did not matter that she was white. When people continuously come after women and their biracial children, it reinforces the idea that it isn’t right. It creates a scientific experiment out of it, as if it was a breeding choice that a higher power was toying with. It calls into question the love I have for my mother and makes this love unnatural. Who would want to do such a thing? It's 2017.
