White Liberal Males Are Exhausting To Date

White Liberal Males Are Exhausting To Date

Oh yeah, you're a feminist? How progressive.
520
views

White Liberal Males,mostly found in used bookstores in Portland or your local pub drinking a fine stout handmade by a guy down the street who grows hops in his backyard. He’s probably sporting a beard he grew all by himself and has a vinyl collection that he can’t wait to show you when he gets you up to his one bedroom urban apartment. If you met him at the used bookstore, he probably pulled out his favorite novel which was probably written by some dead Russian novelist like Dostoyevsky- he loves the Russian classics because his literature professor said they were good. He probably read you a line or two, butchering the Russian names in a fake accent pulled right out of Dr. Zhivago. If you found him at the bar, he probably ordered you a drink, not caring about your preferences, just assuming you like his pretentious pub that serves their stout selections on planks of wood because they’re innovative like that. Your beer tastes like garbage. At this point he probably pulled out some sort of line about how he's such a feminist.

And maybe you fell for it. I don’t judge. I’ve fallen for it so many times myself.

White Liberal Males tend to be exhausting to date and there are a plethora of reason. Most of these reasons will be generalizations or exaggerations of bad past experiences and I only say this as a disclaimer because I’m friends with a lot of White Liberal Males, most of which would be really hurt by this article. But sometimes, it’s great to have a little self reflection.

I think first, we’ll go back to the scene at the pub, or the bookstore, or even the one bedroom apartment where he shows us his vinyl collection and he says that thing, that thing he thinks we’ll find alluring. It’s usually something along the lines of, “Ugh all men are garbage!” or “Women get so much crap.” or maybe it’s some reference to politics of today like, “I think Hillary Clinton would have made a great president.” or even, “My mother is my biggest role model,” Which if you hear that last one, run! But the point of this line is to separate themselves from the other guys. They aren’t like those horrible jerks who catcalled you on your way to the table at the pub or the guy on the street who grinned and nodded at your figure in that dress you wore to the bookstore. They aren’t like our current president. Heck, some guys will straight up say, “I’m a total Feminist.” as if believing in equal rights is something to brag about. It can be gross, it can be toxic, but we still fall for it, believing, somehow, maybe he isn't like other guys. Maybe he’s alright. But we learn later, this is a total lie. He might be a feminist, maybe. Or he might say he is a feminist because he knows you like that. But at the end of the day, he still perpetuates the everyday toxicity found in our patriarchal culture.

The next fun part of dating a White Liberal Male is when their sexism comes through and you feel like you need to call out his sexism, whether it be something he did, or said or even accepted as if it’s “how things just are.” You feel like you need to call it out. Let’s say, he said something crappy while playing video games. He might have said, “Ugh, b****” and you said, “Hey, you shouldn’t say that.” and he said, “Oh, no, that’s just what I say with my friends while gaming” and you say, “Well it’s offensive. and maybe he might apologize and it'll be insincere, but the conversation where you call out his sexism comes down to this: “I swear, I’m not sexist.” It’s usually met with some sort of explanation, like I wasn’t raised to be sexist, or even “I voted for Hillary.” Either way, their actions are dismissed as being a one time thing and not something defining their character. But this behavior doesn’t end. Even when more situations come up, they still defend themselves and their honor, claiming they could never be sexist. They’re perfect liberals.

The next parts tend to get harder because at this point, you’ve fallen for your White Liberal Male. Maybe you’re thinking about settling down. At this point you kind of want to start your post college career. You’re entering your thirties after all and your temp job isn’t suiting you. College was fun. You learned a lot. But here’s the tick: now you’re beginning to discuss all of the intricacies of family planning with your partner and you find that there’s a lot of personal opinions they haven’t talked about. For example, the wedding. You for one, don’t really see the point of having a traditional wedding. Your liberal arts teacher told you all about the history of weddings and how weddings tend to symbolize giving up women as chattel for money and that just doesn’t sit right with you. You also don’t want to give up your last name because you have your own name. Even the idea of calling it your “maiden name,” grosses you out. You’re not a maiden. You’re a women with a career. But he insists on a traditional wedding, because it’s what his mother wants. He told you on his first date that he really cares about his mom. I told you to run. And then you kind of realize, that sure, maybe he is a feminist and believes in equal rights but because they don’t personally affect him the way they affect you, then they don’t matter as much. They can be tossed aside for a moment. It’s just a wedding after all. It’s just your future. It’s just your agency and the rights of your name and your personal identity that’s defined your whole life. What does it matter if he’s not personally affected. Not everything has to be political.

And it’s this reason why White Liberal Males are so exhausting to date- because they don’t get it. They’re never understand the experience of someone less privileged than themselves. They don’t know why the things they do are toxic. They don’t understand that the best way to be a good ally, especially in a romantic relationship is to take a person's word for it if they say you’re perpetuating the toxicity. And to not get frustrated and defensive if you’re called out and to not think that just because you are liberal, you are incapable of contributing to the inequity that women and people of color face on a daily basis. Because, every single day sometimes feels like a battle when sex and gender become important in the moment, which they do- it can be exhausting and scary. It’s a lot easier if you try to understand and believe us when we tell you you’re being gross. The maybe you wouldn’t be so exhausting to date.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Popular Right Now

An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
175405
views

Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

4 Basic Rules You Need To Know While 'Dating' More Than One Person

Dating: the stage where you are talking and testing out the waters with someone else.

31
views

Here is the thing about dating: you're not married, nor are you boyfriend and girlfriend.

Dating is when you're just testing out the water with a few people until you decide who you're going in a relationship with.

Dating happens when you're interested in a person and vice versa. It's when you find them attractive, so now you have to figure out the personality. To be "in a relationship" would mean to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

Here are some of the basic guidelines about dating that everyone should know:

1. You can date multiple people.

You're not in a committed relationship with anyone. You're going out with this man to see if this relationship will become a relationship, and you're allowed to date multiple people to see which one is the best one for you.

You're checking out the fishes in the sea and checking which shoe fits better. It's like being a bachelor or bachelorette. Honey, during the dating phase, you can do whatever you want.

Although, I should tell you not everyone is going to appreciate you dating other people, but who are they to stop you from your one true love? The proper way to go about this is letting the people you are 'dating' know that you are seeing other people until one of the relationships gets serious.

Side note: a real man will respect the honesty and understand. Time is ticking and doesn't wait for anyone.

2. If you're going on the fifth date with the same date, it's time to upgrade.

So, what I mean by this is that if you're on your fifth date, either end the date and begin a relationship, or move on to other people.

If by the fifth date, you're not feeling something unexpectedly particularly special with this person and if you're not clicking with them, then it's time to move onto other fishes, hun. And if you are but you're scared to commit, then admit to the person that you have a commitment issue. And that's fine, but let them know so they're not hanging on for no reason.

3. Dating does not mean one-night stands.

Now, if you're looking for a one-night stand, then dating is NOT what you're looking for. I'm sure some one-night stands can always turn into relationships, but sex always makes things complicated. So, next.

4. No sex during dating!

Like I said before, sex makes things complicated and it results in several test results and concerns.

If you're dating, you're there to see if the person is good enough so that you can be in a relationship with them and maybe then have sex. You naughty people. But I won't stop you.

If by all means, sex is one of the top things you need to have a healthy relationship, then by all means, I support you 100%. But ma'am, if he's having sex with you on the first night, imagine who else he's done on the first night. Think hard.

Related Content

Facebook Comments