White Liberal Males Are Exhausting To Date

White Liberal Males Are Exhausting To Date

Oh yeah, you're a feminist? How progressive.
522
views

White Liberal Males,mostly found in used bookstores in Portland or your local pub drinking a fine stout handmade by a guy down the street who grows hops in his backyard. He’s probably sporting a beard he grew all by himself and has a vinyl collection that he can’t wait to show you when he gets you up to his one bedroom urban apartment. If you met him at the used bookstore, he probably pulled out his favorite novel which was probably written by some dead Russian novelist like Dostoyevsky- he loves the Russian classics because his literature professor said they were good. He probably read you a line or two, butchering the Russian names in a fake accent pulled right out of Dr. Zhivago. If you found him at the bar, he probably ordered you a drink, not caring about your preferences, just assuming you like his pretentious pub that serves their stout selections on planks of wood because they’re innovative like that. Your beer tastes like garbage. At this point he probably pulled out some sort of line about how he's such a feminist.

And maybe you fell for it. I don’t judge. I’ve fallen for it so many times myself.

White Liberal Males tend to be exhausting to date and there are a plethora of reason. Most of these reasons will be generalizations or exaggerations of bad past experiences and I only say this as a disclaimer because I’m friends with a lot of White Liberal Males, most of which would be really hurt by this article. But sometimes, it’s great to have a little self reflection.

I think first, we’ll go back to the scene at the pub, or the bookstore, or even the one bedroom apartment where he shows us his vinyl collection and he says that thing, that thing he thinks we’ll find alluring. It’s usually something along the lines of, “Ugh all men are garbage!” or “Women get so much crap.” or maybe it’s some reference to politics of today like, “I think Hillary Clinton would have made a great president.” or even, “My mother is my biggest role model,” Which if you hear that last one, run! But the point of this line is to separate themselves from the other guys. They aren’t like those horrible jerks who catcalled you on your way to the table at the pub or the guy on the street who grinned and nodded at your figure in that dress you wore to the bookstore. They aren’t like our current president. Heck, some guys will straight up say, “I’m a total Feminist.” as if believing in equal rights is something to brag about. It can be gross, it can be toxic, but we still fall for it, believing, somehow, maybe he isn't like other guys. Maybe he’s alright. But we learn later, this is a total lie. He might be a feminist, maybe. Or he might say he is a feminist because he knows you like that. But at the end of the day, he still perpetuates the everyday toxicity found in our patriarchal culture.

The next fun part of dating a White Liberal Male is when their sexism comes through and you feel like you need to call out his sexism, whether it be something he did, or said or even accepted as if it’s “how things just are.” You feel like you need to call it out. Let’s say, he said something crappy while playing video games. He might have said, “Ugh, b****” and you said, “Hey, you shouldn’t say that.” and he said, “Oh, no, that’s just what I say with my friends while gaming” and you say, “Well it’s offensive. and maybe he might apologize and it'll be insincere, but the conversation where you call out his sexism comes down to this: “I swear, I’m not sexist.” It’s usually met with some sort of explanation, like I wasn’t raised to be sexist, or even “I voted for Hillary.” Either way, their actions are dismissed as being a one time thing and not something defining their character. But this behavior doesn’t end. Even when more situations come up, they still defend themselves and their honor, claiming they could never be sexist. They’re perfect liberals.

The next parts tend to get harder because at this point, you’ve fallen for your White Liberal Male. Maybe you’re thinking about settling down. At this point you kind of want to start your post college career. You’re entering your thirties after all and your temp job isn’t suiting you. College was fun. You learned a lot. But here’s the tick: now you’re beginning to discuss all of the intricacies of family planning with your partner and you find that there’s a lot of personal opinions they haven’t talked about. For example, the wedding. You for one, don’t really see the point of having a traditional wedding. Your liberal arts teacher told you all about the history of weddings and how weddings tend to symbolize giving up women as chattel for money and that just doesn’t sit right with you. You also don’t want to give up your last name because you have your own name. Even the idea of calling it your “maiden name,” grosses you out. You’re not a maiden. You’re a women with a career. But he insists on a traditional wedding, because it’s what his mother wants. He told you on his first date that he really cares about his mom. I told you to run. And then you kind of realize, that sure, maybe he is a feminist and believes in equal rights but because they don’t personally affect him the way they affect you, then they don’t matter as much. They can be tossed aside for a moment. It’s just a wedding after all. It’s just your future. It’s just your agency and the rights of your name and your personal identity that’s defined your whole life. What does it matter if he’s not personally affected. Not everything has to be political.

And it’s this reason why White Liberal Males are so exhausting to date- because they don’t get it. They’re never understand the experience of someone less privileged than themselves. They don’t know why the things they do are toxic. They don’t understand that the best way to be a good ally, especially in a romantic relationship is to take a person's word for it if they say you’re perpetuating the toxicity. And to not get frustrated and defensive if you’re called out and to not think that just because you are liberal, you are incapable of contributing to the inequity that women and people of color face on a daily basis. Because, every single day sometimes feels like a battle when sex and gender become important in the moment, which they do- it can be exhausting and scary. It’s a lot easier if you try to understand and believe us when we tell you you’re being gross. The maybe you wouldn’t be so exhausting to date.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Popular Right Now

Why I Spend So Much Time With My Boyfriend

And I love it!
5142
views

Many people think that spending too much time with your significant other is a bad thing. I think that wanting to spend time with them is a blessing. Don't get me wrong, we do not spend every waking minute together. We make sure that we save time for our friends and family, but in the end, we cherish our time together.

He brings out the best in me. When I first met my boyfriend, I knew he was something special. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that it would be important someday. I found out that when I am with him, I am an all-around happier person. I look at things in different ways, and I now know a whole new world of people. He has helped me overcome obstacles that have been holding me back for quite some time.

We enjoy each others company. I can't even begin to tell you how many times we have just sat in silence simply knowing that you are in the company of someone who loves you is comforting. He makes things that would usually be boring a lot more fun. When we do homework together, he makes the work seem like it's not work, and things like a simple trip to Walmart ends up being a comedy show.

We are best friends. Many people say that they are best friends with their significant other. For us, it's true. I can tell him anything. There is no hiding things in our relationship; we come right out and say what we want to say.

He pushes me to succeed. Whether it is with weight loss or homework, he holds me accountable. When I start a new workout, he keeps me on track to be whom I want to be. We make sure that we put homework before going out and that helps us in the long run. Giving up that pizza can be easy when you are spending time with someone you love.

He makes life seem not so hard. College can be hard and make life difficult. It seems that I always have something new happening or another meeting to attend. When I get stressed or overwhelmed, he makes sure that I take the time to put into perspective what really matters and focus on that. And when that fails, we go get McDonald's.

He supports me. He has never once told me that one of my ideas was stupid or out of reach. Whenever something new comes up that I think would be exciting, he is the first one to rally behind me and let me know that it is a good idea (even if it's not).

I love him. Love is a strong word, but I can honestly say I have never felt like this before. Between everything that he does for me, I do just as much for him simply because I love seeing him happy. Spending so much time together isn't hard to do because we love each other. If somewhere down the road we decide to split ways, I will still love him and he will still love me. That will never go away.

Cover Image Credit: Hanna Hartman

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Is Social Media Killing Romance?

In a modern era filled with technology, are the communication outlets we rely on destroying our ability to connect?

110
views

I have always been a girl that has been stereotypically obsessed with romance novels and movies. Honestly, I enjoy the concept of romance in and of itself. I have always dreamed of a passionate, deep romance of my own complete with a meet-cute, dates, and affection. However, it seems as though the concept of romance has skewed dramatically as social media continues to flourish.

So many romance movies are shifting to acknowledge how time-consuming social media is in teenagers lives. Even so, social media seems to be such a minuscule part of the relationships while, in reality, social media outlets tend to be a major form of communication in our society.

It seems as though our entire lives are digital and relationships are no exceptions. Meeting people the "old fashioned way" is almost obsolete now thanks to dating apps and other mediums of communication. We seem to be taking away the basis of relationships; intimacy and connection.

Additionally, social media has been detrimental, especially pertaining to self-esteem and self-image. Social media allow self-scrutinization to become the norm. Comparison is almost a reflex while scrolling through social media so why would romance and relationships be any different? Social media can create ridiculous expectations for relationships. Apps like Instagram are a media for sharing the best of your life, so everyone seems to have a perfect life on there. These expectations and comparisons seem to be a deteriorating factor for relationships.

Another phenomenon that I have noticed, thanks to social media, is that meeting people is easier than ever. This is not a bad thing per se. However, since it is so easy, it seems that all the effort is gone. Flirting with someone who "slid into your DMs" is exponentially easier than flirting with someone in real life. Apps like Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram are simple methods to communicate and therefore, our communication has become simple.

Hookup culture is another thing that has become increasingly popular with the rise of social media. According to statistics, correlation does not imply causation but, at least to me, it seems that there are entirely too many aspects in common for them to not be related. Since communication is exponentially easier, so have "booty calls." Late night texts. or "snaps" have diminished the chase and allowed for actual relationships to be foreign to our generation.

In conclusion, social media has provided us with an unbelievable amount of benefits. However, it also may be draining our generation of connection and emotion. It seems as though social media has driven us into an age of simplicity and complacency.

Related Content

Facebook Comments