November is a month for many things. We celebrate our forefathers coming across the Atlantic and unwittingly causing the genocide of an entire population of people. Writers across the country do their best at writing 50,000 words in the month. Men grow out their facial hair.
Another peculiar occurrence of November is a great hibernation that affects many young men across the nation. A mass hibernation. Sociologists, human anatomists and girlfriends have been attempting to understand the purpose of this hibernation for years and where their boyfriends have gone.
As someone who is participating in the hibernation this year, let me tell you the top three most likely places of where your boyfriend's gone.
"Call of Duty: Black Ops 3"
Why has your boyfriend gone here?
"Black Ops 3" is the twelfth entry in the wildly popular "Call of Duty: franchise. Set in the year 2065, the game features a four-player cooperative story mode that no one cares about, a zombies mode that is pretty much identical to zombies mode of "Black Ops 2", "Black Ops" and "World At War", (the fifth, seventh, and ninth titles in the series) and a multiplayer that really hasn't changed at all. Despite it's mediocre offerings, it's a "Call of Duty" game and therefore, your boyfriend will buy it.
How long until you get him back?
Due to "Black Ops 3" being essentially the same game as the past five "Call of Duty" games, he'll come back by the end of the month. Occasionally he'll play zombies mode with his friends, but he won't blow you off to play it anymore.
"Star Wars: Battlefront"
Why has your boyfriend gone here?
If your significant other had any sort of a normal middle-class childhood, he played a sh*tload of "Star Wars Battlefront" and "Star Wars Battlefront 2" on his Playstation 2 ten years ago. Nostalgia is a very powerful force. Even if your boyfriend isn't the biggest Star Wars fan, he will undoubtedly want to relive the glory days of his childhood - in HD - regardless of how good the game is.
How long until you get him back?
'As previously mentioned, nostalgia is a very powerful force. As is online multiplayer. The fact that the seventh "Star Wars" movie is coming out mid-December also doesn't help your chances of seeing your man. The movie release will reinvigorate your significant other's love for the "Star Wars" franchise and he'll likely go back to blasting up his pals online until at least mid-January.
"Fallout 4"
Why has your boyfriend gone here?
"Fallout 4" is a massive post-apocalyptic sandbox role-playing game. In layman's terms it means you can be whoever you want and do whatever you want. According to Bethesda Softworks, the game's developer, you can play at least 400 hours without doing the same thing twice. That's 16 days of playing straight. In other words, the game is a soul consuming disc of artificial joy.
How long until you get him back?
If your significant other brought home a copy of "Fallout 4", it's time to hit the market. You're not getting him back for a long time. He'll devote all of his free time to building settlements or killing Super Mutants. He'll blow you off so he can foil The Institute's nefarious plans. What do those previous two sentences mean? You've been replaced. By a video game.
I know this, because my soul has been consumed by "Fallout 4".
