There comes a time in our lives, a rite of passage, a milestone almost, where someone asks us what we want to be when we grow up. At the age of 6, I never would’ve realized that this question could very easily be considered my best friend. Or rather, my worst enemy. Think back to when you were little, and how every “grown-up” would become so fascinated over the question and your answer. Think about your answer. Mine was this: I wanted to be a Girl Scout Leader, a dancer and a nurse – all in one. The only difference between the question then and the question now is that it was so much easier back then.
Like Meredith Grey, it sometimes hits me randomly that I’m an adult. I’m constantly thinking about when the question stopped being so easy. At age 6, my face would light up anytime someone asked me. The possibilities were endless. At 21, that question makes me want to run far, far away. Truthfully, if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me, I probably could run far away.
So when did the question turn into a panic attack? When was it that the question became the monster in my closet? Honestly, I don’t have an exact answer. Was it all the times I went to “Take Your Child To Work Day?” Or all of those personal inventory assessments in middle school we had to take? Or maybe it was the first time I heard the word “major” when I was in high school. Either way, it took a turn for the worst.
The thought only gets worse when you find yourself in a classroom full of people singing the songs of “internships” and “co-ops” or even the mother of them all, “graduation.” I’ve always envied people that could answer the question as if they’d just recited a poem they memorized the night before. You know, the ones with passion lighting a fire in their eyes? That know what company they’ll work for and in what state? If you read this and find that you can’t relate, that you’re the one who knows exactly what you want to do: I applaud you. Believe it or not, starting college I used to be the one reciting the poem. When someone asked me what I wanted to do, I could answer at the drop of a hat. A few chemistry classes gone wrong and I fell off of that boat.
But if you think you’ve fallen off the boat, much like myself, you should know this: You're not alone. I know with finals coming up and the scary monster that is graduation hiding around the corner, the future seems scary. Even as someone that has a year or more left, the future still seems scary. What we don’t seem to realize is that it gradually became scarier as we grew up. It’s tough sometimes feeling like you don’t have it figured out and like you’ll never have it figured out. I know. But take a second to think of it this way: we’re all in the same place for the same purpose, and that’s to get a degree. To get a good job. To have a good life. Even the ones who appear to have their ducks in a row don’t always have their ducks in a row. We’ve all been put on earth to explore – whether that’s ourselves, the places we go or our lives as a whole. So the next time that someone asks you what your plan is or where your future is headed, take a little comfort in the unknown, some pride in how far you’ve come, and faith in how far you’ll go.
