My past romantic relationships have been, for a lack of a better word, nonexistent. Unless you count the boyfriend I had in fifth grade for like a week. I don’t count it though since it was fifth grade and a week is literally nothing. I had two other little "relationships" when I was in elementary school and middle school, but those were even shorter, even less memorable.

During high school years, male interest in me was virtually nonexistent, a fact I didn't particularly mind since I wasn't all that interested in them either. It made no difference to me. I understood that they didn't like me and I didn't feel a need for a relationship anyways since the town I live in is so small.

The only times, however briefly, that I started thinking about being in a relationship were when my friends had relationships. They would be elated and incessantly gushing about their significant others, constantly telling me about the good things about being in a relationship. There were times that such obsessive chatter got borderline annoying. When our conversations reached that point, my brief desire to be in a relationship would immediately crumble and I would start dreading ever getting into one. Even now when I talk to my friends in college and they're obsessing over their partner, I cringe at the thought of acting like that. I don't want to have my life revolve around someone so much, no matter how happy they make me feel.

Relationships are terrifying when you have zero experience.

There are times where my friends hit a bad point in their relationships and instead of figuring out how to fix it themselves, they come to me for advice. Can you believe that? Me, the one that's been single all my life! Though I do understand why they would come to me and it has everything to do with that exact piece of information.

I've never been devoted to someone with my entire being. I've never had to go through a fight with someone I love like that. Since I don't have such experiences, my friends naturally flock to me because I talk to them logically, not in an understanding, "oh I know how that feels" way. I tell them how it is and they use the logic I force into their lovesick brain as they wish. They then resolve their issues with or without my advice, soon going back to their lovesick, doting selves (or coming back single).

When the issue resolves itself, they go back to obsessing about their significant other and the cycle of annoying conversations begins again and my fear of being in a relationship grows ever larger.