It's going to be weird when you're not sitting in the room before the chapter, and not being able to text you saying hey let's go get food, hang out, or have our weekly devotional before church. It's our first year truly apart, and I'll be honest with you I'm scared... I don't know if I'm going to text you that first Sunday and say "Starbs and Devo?" just for you to say "I'm not there, remember?" and cry, or if I'm just going to sit and stare at my phone and cry. I know I have my little, and I know that we will be fine, but a little always needs her big, no matter what.
I remember when you "adopted" me, I was probably more excited at that time than I was for my actual reveal because I knew that I would have you forever, you'd be my best friend and I would go to you for everything and get advice and I would get to help you and give you advice. You told me to lean more on God when my uncle died, you told me I'm not leaving your car until I get it all out because I just wanted to know why. I told you to lean more on God when bad things happened to you, and I wouldn't let you leave my room until you were calm and collected, holding my bear tight.
You've shown me a lot that I can use to grow in, you've shown me ways to learn more about God's character through verse mapping, you worshiped with me, held my hand while we praised Him together. You showed me that it's okay to be weak, which I've always been scared to show that I can be weak, that it's okay to not always be strong, and that it's okay to lean on someone else too. You've taught me more organizational skills, and how to somehow in some way keep my life together, or as together as it can be.
You were there when I got baptized, you were there through it all, and now, new things are going to happen this year and you won't be there... it'll be my first hockey season without you there to keep me calm when Michigan Tech hockey players get a little too big for themselves, you won't be there to get McDonald's after the game or go to Bdubs to try and make bubbles in your pop but get uncomfortable and laugh... My first Sunday not meeting you for Starbucks and going to church together and spending the entirety of Sunday together.
I know we went through a hard time together, but all amazing relationships do and they end up coming out stronger than they were before. I know that there was a time where you made me cry more than smile and laugh, and more angry than happy, but that's okay, because we are human, and we forgave each other. I've been thinking of how the hell I'm going to write this to you for a while, because every time I would go to text it, I would cry, when I went to try and write out an actual letter to give to you, I cried or I got sidetracked doing my other million things I had to do.
You're going to do great things in your career I just know it, but I'm just not ready to let you be an adult yet, come back to BG and hang out with me all the time. Also, remember what I said, when/if you read this and you cry, it is not my fault.
I love you lots,
Little
